Chapter 9
WHO LIGHTS ANEW STAR

The second night, being afraid that Anastasia would again put into my “bedroom” her favorite she-bear to keep me warm or some other foolish things and I refused categorically to go to bed. I told her that I would not do it if she did not lie down by my side.

I had figured it out that if she was close to me, she would not play any tricks.

“That's what you call having a guest staying at your home? I was sure that here there would be at least some construction. You don't even let me make a campfire and on top of this you are slipping in all kinds of beasts in on me! If you don't have a decent house you should not invite guests to stay there”.

“All right, Vladimir, don't worry, please and don't get scared. Nothing bad will happen to you. If you wish, I shall lie down near you and keep you warm”.

This time there were even more cedar twigs scattered in the den dugout; the bunches of herbs were put very neatly.

The walls were also decorated with twigs. I took off my clothes, put my pants and sweater under my head, lay down and covered myself with my jacket. The cedar twigs were producing the phytoncideous aroma about which popular science literature tells us how whereby it disinfects the surrounding air. Although in the taiga the air is clean, anyhow.

I could breathe with ease. The dry herbs and flowers added some kind of extraordinarily delicate flavor.

Anastasia kept her promise and lay down with me. Honestly, I could tell that the aroma which her body was producing exceeded all other scents. It was much more pleasant than the most delicate perfume which I had ever smelled while being close to a woman. However, it never came to my mind to take possession of her.

After my attempt to hug her when we were on our way to her place of dwelling, after that fear which I had experienced and the losing of my consciousness, I did not imagine any kind of sexual or romantic feelings towards her. That was true even when I saw her absolutely naked.

I was dreaming quietly about a son whom my wife had never given birth to:

“It would be great if my son could be born from Anastasia! She is such a beauty. She is healthy and is capable of great endurance. That means that the baby would also be healthy and in my likeness. Of course, my son may look like her though he still should be much more like me. He would become a strong and smart personality. He would be happy, talented and intelligent”

I imagined my baby son clinging to the nipples of her breast and involuntarily I put my hand on Anastasia's resilient breast. At that very moment a quiver ran all over my body and in a moment it was gone.

Though it was not a fearful shivering, it was a different, extraordinary and pleasant one. I did not draw my hand back but only held my breath waiting for what would follow. The next moment I felt her soft palm on my hand. She did not push my hand away. I raised myself a bit and started looking at her gorgeous face. The white northern night was making it even more beautiful and attractive. I could not move my eyes away from her face.

Her caressing gray bluish eyes were looking at me.

I just could not help bending and touching slightly, quickly and carefully with my lips her half opened mouth. Again the same pleasant quiver occurred! My face was getting shrouded in the aroma of her breath. Her lips did not utter her regular:

“Don't do it, calm down”.

There were no fearful feelings. The thoughts about my son did not leave me. When Anastasia embraced me gently, caressed my hair and moved herself towards me, I felt something unbelievable!...

Only in the morning on awakening did I realize that never in my life had I experienced these kinds of feelings - absolute bliss, exaltation and satisfaction. Then there was another thing which seemed very strange: usually a physical tiredness comes after a night with a woman. In this case everything was quite the opposite and, moreover, there was a feeling of a great accomplishment. There was a feeling that something great had been created.

The satisfaction was not just a physical one. There was something more to it, something still unrealized, unknown, never experienced before, extraordinarily wonderful and joyous!

An idea flashed across my mind:

“Just because of a moment like this one life is worth living”.

I knew, I had never experienced anything like that, even close to it! However, I had met different women in my life who were beautiful, some of whom were rather experienced in love affairs and I had loved them.

Anastasia was a virgin, a timid and tender girl.

Still there was something in her that none, among those I knew, had possessed.

“What? Where is she now?”, I wondered.

I moved towards the trap door of the cozy den and sticking myself out. I looked around. The clearing was situated a little bit below my wonderful night dwelling place. It was covered with a layer of the morning fog. It was about two feet thick.

In that fog having stretched her arms with her palms opened, Anastasia was spinning around. She was creating a small cloud of fog around herself.

When it was wrapping all over her, Anastasia jumped up easily, stretching her legs into splits like a ballerina. She flew over the fog layer, landed in a new spot and started spinning again and while doing it she was laughing, rolling herself into another piece of cloud. The rising sun rays were making then-way trying to penetrate through the fog and comfort her.

I tell you, it was something!

It was charming and exciting and I yelled at the top of my voice being overwhelmed with emotions:

“A-a-n-a-a-st-a-a-s-i-i-ya-a! Good morning, to the fairy of the forest! Anastasia-a-a!”

“Good morning, Vladimir!”, She shouted back gaily.

 

“It is so nice, so beautiful now! Why do I feel like this?”, I was shouting at the top of my voice putting in it all my power.

Anastasia raised her arms greeting the rising sun, laughed with her happy, alluring laughter and shouted back to me and to somebody else above in a singing voice.

“Only for a man the only one out of all living beings in the entire Universe it has been given to experience something like this! Only for a man and a woman, who had wished sincerely to have a baby together! Only a man who is experiencing this kind of feeling can light a new star in the sky! Only-y f-o-or a m-a -a-n striving towards creation! Thank you-u-u!”

Then she turned to me and added addressing only me:

“Only for a man, who is striving for a creation and not for satisfaction of his flesh needs”.

She had an outburst of laughter again with her catchy laughter, jumping up, stretching herself into the splits, she started to hover over the fog. Then she ran up to me and took a seat next to me at the entrance of the den.

She started to comb her golden hair with her fingers.

“So, you don't believe that sex is a kind of sin?”, I asked her.

Anastasia was quiet for a while then looked at me with surprise and replied,

“Do you think that it was the kind of sex they mean when using precisely this word in your world? If not, then what is more sinful: to give in and let a man come into this world or abstain from it and don't let a man be born into the material world? A real man?”

Well, well, I went deep into thinking. Really, that night's intimacy with Anastasia was impossible to classify by a habitual word “sex”. What was it then? What is the proper word to use?

I asked her again,

“Why has nothing of the kind ever happened to me before and, I guess, to many other people?”

“Well, you see, Vladimir, the dark forces are trying hard to develop in man vile, mean motives and lust of flesh just to prevent him from experiencing the divine grace, the gift of God. They are trying hard using all possible ways to make him/her believe, by suggesting the idea of effortlessly getting satisfaction, just thinking of satisfaction. By doing it they are leading a man away from the Truth.

 

The poor, deceived women, who not even realizing it, for all their lives are getting only suffering, trying to find their lost grace and bliss. They are looking for it in the wrong direction. No woman will be able to keep a man from lechery if she gave herself up to him only to satisfy his carnal desires. If something like this happened, their joint life will never be a happy one. Their union, a poor illusion of togetherness, is a lie. It is a falsehood though widely recognized by conventional society.

As for the woman herself, she turns into a loose one right away, no matter whether she is married to the man or not. Oh, humankind has invented so many kinds of laws and conventions trying to strengthen this false union by artificial reanimation: ecclesiastic and secular ones, but they don't help! They just make a man play, to get adjusted to them, trying to make a show of the existence of a union and create an imitation of a marriage.

 

The inner intentions were always unchangeable and never depended on anybody or anything. Jesus Christ had realized it. Then he tried to emphasize it by saying that anyone who was looking at a woman with lust is already committing adultery with her in his heart. Then all of you, taken together recently tried to hold up to shame the one who had left a family... Although nothing in any kind of situation could stop man from searching intuitively for this grace, once experienced. He/she is looking persistently for this great satisfaction in spite of all kinds of obstacles.

A false union is horrible because children are involved! Do you understand, Vladimir? Children! They feel artificiality, the mendacity of such a union. Children start to doubt everything their parents say to them. Children can sense a lie subconsciously when they are still in their conceptual stage. Because of it they feel bad things.

Tell me, and who would not? What kind of a man would like to appear in this world as a result of carnal pleasures? Everyone would like to be created by a great impulse of love striving for a real creation.

Those who joined a false union later on will seek a real satisfaction secretly, away from one another. They will be longing for possession of new bodies all the time or use only their own bodies ordinarily and they are doomed. Only intuitively being aware that the real grace of the real union is moving away from them farther and farther”.

“Anastasia, wait a minute. Could it really be true that men and women are doomed to such an extent if they happened to have just regular sex at first? Is it possible that there would not be any way out, no opportunity left to correct the situation?”

“Why, there is an opportunity. Now I know for sure what to do. Where and what kind of words should I find to express it, to put it into words? I am searching for such kinds of words all the time. I was looking for them in the past and in the future but I've failed to find them. Maybe they are quite near, somewhere here? They are about to appear, new words are ready to be born with the ability to reach the heart and mind. The new words to express the ancient truth of the Original Sources”.

“Well, don't get frustrated, Anastasia. Try to tell me using those words which are available at least approximately. What else is necessary for real satisfaction besides two bodies?”

“Awareness! Mutual striving for creation. Sincerity and purity of striving”.

“Where do you get all this knowledge from, Anastasia?”

“I am not the only one who knows it. The enlightened souls like Vales, Krishna, Rama, Shiva, Christ, Allah, Buddha were trying to explain to people the essence of all existence”

 

“Now, what's that? Did you read about them? Where? When?”

“I did not read about them. I just know what they have said, what they were thinking about and what was their mission, what they wanted to accomplish”

 

“So, according to you, is it bad just to enjoy sex?”

 

“Very bad! It leads a man away from the truth, destroys a family and a huge amount of energy goes nowhere”.

 

“Then why do they publish such a great number of magazines with naked women in erotic poses and produce movies with sensuality and sex? They are a great success and in great demand. The demand gives rise to supply. What do you mean? Do you want to say that our humankind is absolutely wicked?”

“Humankind is not wicked but the mechanism of the dark forces, eclipsing the spirituality provoking carnality, is very strong. It brings a lot of troubles and suffering to people. It works through women using their beauty, the destination of which is to awake and support the spirit of a poet, an artist and a creator in man. Because of this very purpose a woman herself should be pure. If there is no purity of feeling, then an attempt of attracting a man with the help other sexual charms comes forward. The purpose of it is just to get a man with the outside beauty of an empty vessel. By doing this she tricks a man. It is inevitable that she is going to suffer for this trickery all her life”.

“How come? Couldn't mankind manage to overcome this 'mechanism' of dark forces through the millennia of its existence? It has failed to overcome this in spite of all the calls of 'the enlightened souls'? Does it mean that it is just impossible to overcome them? Maybe, there just is no need to do it?”

“It is possible and necessary by all means!”

“Then how could it be done?”

“Women again! Those who have managed to realize the truth and their predestination will get changed and eventually men will change too”.

“No way, Anastasia, I doubt it. A normal man will always be excited by a beautiful woman's legs and breasts... Especially when on a business trip or on vacation he happens to be far away from his woman. That is the way. It just happens. Nobody can change anything in this case. So it's one way traffic”.

“But I have already done it for you”.

“What have you done?”

 

“From now on you will not be able to be involved with pernicious sex”.

A horrifying thought struck me like lightning and started to reverse the wonderful feeling which was born inside me the previous night.

“What have you done to me, Anastasia? Tell me! What? I am now... What am I now... Impotent?”, I uttered.

“On the contrary, you have become a real man now. Just regular sex will be repulsive to you. It will not bring you the feeling you have experienced that night as this kind of feeling could be possible only in the case of a desire to have a baby. The woman should have the same desire too. She should really love to desire a baby from you”.

“Love me? Well, under such conditions... During a life time it could happen only a couple of times. That's it...”.

“It is quite sufficient to be happy within your entire life, trust me. You will realize it”.

Anastasia stretched her arms towards me and tried to move closer.

I jumped quickly away from her into the den's comer and shouted out,

“Stay away from the exit, please. I ask you nicely!”.

She stood up. I crawled out and backed up from her a couple of steps.

“You have deprived me maybe of the main pleasure in my life. Everybody is longing for it, everybody is thinking of it, even if they don't speak aloud about it”.

“It is just an illusion, Vladimir, all these so-called pleasures you are talking about. I've helped you to get rid of a terrible, pernicious, sinful attraction

“Whether it is illusion or not, who knows? Anyhow, it is a pleasure universally acknowledged. Don't you dare make me rid of it just because you take it as a 'pernicious' inclination. Otherwise when I get out of here, I will forget about any relationship with a woman. No drinking! Having a nice snack! No smoking! Thank you! The great majority of people in everyday life are absolutely unaccustomed to these conditions”

“Well, what is good in hard drinking, smoking, senseless and pernicious digesting of a great amount of animal meat since there has been plenty of vegetation created especially for man to live on?”

“Now look here, why don't you live on your 'vegetation' if you like it and leave me alone. For many of us it's a pleasure to smoke, to drink liquor, to enjoy a nice meal. It is recognized and accepted by everybody. Do you understand it? Accepted! This is the bottom line! That's it!”

“Look, Vladimir, everything you've mentioned is bad and pernicious”.

“'Bad'? 'Pernicious'? All right! What if my invited guests come to my house to celebrate some special occasion. They sit down at the table and I would tell them, 'My dear friends, will you help yourselves to some nuts, have a bite of an apple, enjoy a glass of water and no smoking.' Then it will be really bad!”

“When you invite your friends and as soon as they come, is it the most important thing to do right away to invite them to sit down at the table and start drinking, eating and smoking?”

“It does not really matter whether it is the most important or not. It is just universally acknowledged all over the world, by all people. In some countries there is even a special traditional dish like a roast turkey for a certain holiday or occasions 'It is not recognized by everybody in your world'. Well, maybe not by everybody but as for me, I am live among normal people”.

“Why do you believe that your surroundings consist of the most normal people?”

 

“Just because they are the majority”.

 

“It is not a weighty reasoning”.

 

“It is not a 'weighty' one for you because it is impossible trying to explain anything to you”.

My anger towards Anastasia was vanishing. I recalled everything I had heard about new medical remedies.

I remembered about doctors sexopathologists and a comforting thought came to my mind:

“If she has done something which somehow caused me any damage, the doctors would be able to help correct my problem”.

So, I said,

“All right, Anastasia, let's make a bargain, I am not angry any more. Thank you very much for the wonderful night! Only in future you had better not try to get rid of my habits and addictions. As far as sex is concerned, I'll fix it with the help of our doctors and modern medicine. All right? Now let's go bathing”.

I walked to the lake, enjoying the morning forest.

A good mood was returning to me again and as for her... It's unbelievable! Can you imagine?!

She followed me and said all of a sudden.

“Medicine and doctors will not help you. To change you back, the way it was before, first of all they would need to erase from your memory file everything that had happened and the memory of experienced feelings”.

Being shocked by this news I stopped and screamed at the top of my voice,

“What? Then why don't you undo it?”

“Sorry, I can't undo it either”.

And again the feeling of blind fury overwhelmed me.

“You... You are an insolent woman! You are interfering in and messing my life! Here you are! You are ready to make dirty tricks but correct them by deleting them, "I can't! Isn't it something?!”

“But I haven't done any dirty trick. Didn't you want to have a son of yours so much? Although many years have passed by and here you are, you still don't have a son. There is no woman in your life who could give birth to your long awaited son. A desire to have a child from you also a son, has come to me too. Even more to it, I can... Then why do you think beforehand that you will not be well? How do you know? Maybe you will realize it sooner or later... Don't be afraid of me, please, Vladimir. I am not interfering into your psyche. It happened all by itself. You have got what you had wished for. Your wish has come into the material. If there is one thing which I would like to help you with very much, it is to get rid of, at least, one mortal sin”.

“Now again! What kind of sin, I wonder?”

“Pride”.

“Well, I tell you! You are a strange woman! Your philosophy and way of life are inhuman”.

“What do you see in me which is not human, that scares you?”

“First of all, you are living in this forest all by yourself, communicating with plants and animals. There is nobody in our world whose life can come even close to yours”.

“How come, Vladimir, why...”, Anastasia started to speak excitedly, "What about dachniks? They also communicate with plants and animals but yet they do it unconsciously, without being aware of it. Later on they will realize it. The process of realization has already started with many of them”.

“Well, and here we go! She is already a dachnitsa, and this beam of yours... You don't read books but you know a lot. It is a kind of mysticism”.

“Just a minute, I'll explain to you everything but take your time, not all of a sudden. It takes time, you know. I am trying hard but I can't find the proper words, the understandable ones. Please, trust me. Everything I do is quite absolutely human in distinctive features. It was given to humans long, long ago. It is their primordial bond. It is in our primordial source files. Everybody can do it. Well, anyhow, sooner or later people inevitably will return to it again. The process will slowly take place when the Light Forces overcomes

“What about your concert? You were singing with different voices, imitating my favorite singers and, moreover, it was done in exactly the same consecutive order that is recorded in my video tape”.

“It just happened, Vladimir. Once I saw the tape, listened to the songs. I'll tell you later on how it happened. All right?”

“And what do you mean, did you memorize right away the words and the melodies of all those songs?”

“Yes, I did. What is complicated about it or mystic? Oh, what have I said and showed you! You got scared of me, didn't you? I guess, evidently, I am a muddle-headed chatterbox. I don't know how to restrain myself. Once my grandpa called me this name. I thought that he had done it just because of his love for me. Now I believe that I am really a muddle-head. Please... Vladimir...”.

Anastasia was talking excitedly and evidently it was the reason why my fear of her was almost gone.

The thoughts of my son filled up all my feelings.

“Well, I am all right, I am not afraid any more. Only, please, do restrain yourself a little bit. You see, even your grandpa has told you about it”.

“Yes, he has. My great-grandpa... and I am talking on and on... You know, I can't help it because there is so much to say and I want to say it all! Am I a chatterbox? Yes, sure I am. I'll try to do my best. I'll try to say only the things which are understandable”

“So, you mean that you will give birth, Anastasia?”

“Of course! Only it will not be in prime time”.

“What do you mean by saying 'not in prime time'?”

 

“You see, it is necessary to do it in summer, it is an indispensable condition, when nature helps to bring a baby up”.

“Then why did you make the decision if it is so risky for you and the baby?”

“Don't worry, anyhow, the son will live”.

“And you?”

 

“And me too. I'll try to stay till spring comes and then everything will come its way”.

She said that without a shade of sadness or fear for her own life.

Anastasia took a run and jumped into the water of the small lake. A shaft of sprays sparkling in the sun raised like fireworks and descended on the clean and smooth surface of the lake. In about thirty seconds her body slowly started coming up to the surface. She was lying on the water with her arms wide apart and smiling.

I was standing on the bank watching her and thinking:

“Will the squirrel hear the snaps of her fingers when she is lying together with her baby in other shelters? Will any of her four-footed friends help her? Will there be enough warmth in her body to give to the baby?”

“If my body is getting cold and the baby needs food, it will cry”, said Anastasia in a low voice on coming out of the water. "Its dissatisfied cry will wake up the pre-spring nature or at least a part of it and then everything will be fine. They will bring the baby up”.

“Did you read my mind?”

 

“No, I just assumed that you were thinking about it. It is quite natural”.

“Anastasia, you have told me that your relatives live near by. Could they help you?”

“They are pretty much occupied and they could not be bothered”.

“What is it that they are so occupied with? What are you doing all day long if practically the whole surrounding nature is serving you?”

“Well, I am occupied with... And I am also trying to help the people of your world, those whom they call 'dachniks' or gardeners”.

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