by Randi G. Fine
October 2, 2014
from WakingTimes Website

Spanish version

• Have you ever wondered why people who are strangers or people you hardly know open up to you and share their most trusted thoughts?

• Do you have an instant connection with animals?

• Are you unable to watch violence, cruelty, or tragedy on television or in the movies because your soul just can't bear it?

• Do you have an instant knowing about the character of the people you meet upon first meeting them?

• Are you highly spiritual and find the physical world and everything in it heavy?

• Are you often tired and have physical ailments that cannot be medically explained?

If you answered, "yes" to any of these questions you may be an "empath."

Empaths are people who are highly sensitive to the energy and the emotions of the people, animals, and sometimes even the spiritual imprints that exist around them. Some are even sensitive to the energy of plants.

This extreme sensitivity applies to the familiar as well as the unfamiliar; people we are intimately close with and total strangers. We experience the world around us and feel what other people are feeling through our extraordinarily heightened senses and keen intuitions.

We often internalize the feelings of others without being aware we are doing it and interpret those feelings as being our own.

Just as with every other healthy minded individual, empaths have the ability to empathize with whom they are interacting. We are able to relate to how others feel and understand what they are experiencing.

What sets empaths apart is our higher-than-average level of empathy, the ease at which we can connect to the feelings of others, and the range within which we can do it. And where others experience feelings of empathy that are cued by interacting with others, empaths do not always.

We do not have to rely on the physical senses of sight, hearing, or touch, or clues from our interactions with others, to pick up on the emotions and energies around us. We can feel and internalize emotions from people near and far.

Crowded places such as shopping malls, supermarkets, stadiums or movie theaters can overwhelm the senses of the empath.

They may fill him with uncomfortable emotions, emotions that feel as if they are his own, picked up from the all the energies around him. Environments with depressive, low energy, such as nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and hospitals can cause feelings of depression, physical maladies, and fatigue in the empath.

Thrift stores, consignment shops, and antique stores, places that carry the residual energy of previous owners can be very draining for empaths as can used cars or pre-owned houses. I love antiques but I have had to stop frequenting those types of shops because they zap my already low energy, energy that may be constantly being depleted by the many pieces I already have in my home.

I am not willing to part with them so we will just have to find a way to live together.

Empaths are avid seekers of solutions, answers, and knowledge. We are deep thinkers and studiers. Believers that there is a solution for every problem, and uncomfortable and frustrated until we find it, empaths will tirelessly search until they are satisfied. Those who are spiritually connected will ask God or the universe for guidance and answers. Our gift allows us to tap into the spiritual realm and tune into its energies.

We frequently experience synchronicities, phenomena that occur in everyone's life, but because we are more connected than most people to the supernatural world we more easily recognize these coincidences as signposts of guidance.

Empaths have great interest in metaphysics.

Likely having experienced paranormal experiences of our own, whether it be near death experiences, out of body experiences, psychic ability, or a connection with those who have crossed over to the other side, we easily incorporate this unseen reality into our physical experience without question. We naturally know that these things are so without requiring any rational explanation.

With a natural ability to tap into Universal energy and heal others, empaths tend to gravitate toward work in the fields of holistic therapies and energy work. 

Our sensitivity allows us to feel the emotions of others, influence their bodies and minds, and create harmony within them. In order to do that, empaths must learn ways to keep the energy of others from becoming their own.  Otherwise the balance and harmony we create in others will cause unbalance and disharmony within us.

Empaths are usually non-violent and non-aggressive people who love peaceful and harmonious environments. Disharmony makes us uncomfortable. We will do everything we can to avoid it.

If and when we are confronted with turbulence we will take on the role of peacemaker and will work toward a resolution as quickly as possible. I have played the role of peacemaker with family and friends since I was a little child.

We are painfully sensitive to violence, cruelty, and tragedy, whether real or dramatically acted out. Watching it on the television, in the movies, or reading about anything that involves the physical or emotional suffering of another feels nearly unbearable. The suffering of people, children, or animals becomes our own suffering.

We fully identify with it and feel it.

There are many things I cannot watch on television without becoming extremely depressed, but the first one that comes to mind is Sarah McLachlan's ASPCA commercial about animal cruelty:

I quickly change the channel the second it comes on; otherwise I begin to internalize the suffering of the animals.

Empaths deeply connect to animals of all species. We resonate with their energies, love their pureness, and highly value their unconditional love. Empaths often prefer the company of animals over the company of humans, usually having a pet or pets of our own.

Many empaths become vegan or vegetarian because we can feel the vibrations of the animal that the meat came from when we eat it. We have a clear sense of the animal's fear and suffering. We don't understand why a beautiful animal does not have the same rights as humans do and must die.

I am a vegetarian who occasionally eats fish and seafood.

It is never a comfortable experience for me because I can't help thinking about the once beautiful living and breathing animal that was killed, maybe even suffered, and is now on my plate. I don't feel as if my right to eat it super cedes the animal's right to live.

Because empaths feel things so deeply and tend to be nurturing, we often work as volunteers who passionately dedicate their time to helping animals, children, others in need, or the environment. We are excellent listeners who are truly interested in the happiness and welfare of others.

Because of our natural ability to know things without being told, we can be a great asset to others because we tend to know where others are coming from.

But this knowing ability also makes it very difficult for others to lie to us, put on a facade, or hide their emotions. We just know the feelings and intentions of other people, even if we have just met them. We are also adept at reading body language and noticing subtle inflections of speech that others might miss.

Empaths require truthfulness in others and in their selves. We feel terribly uncomfortable with those we perceive to be lying to us, manipulating us, or acting phony. Because of the way it makes us feel we do not accept or tolerate that type of behavior from anyone, including ourselves. And where we are generally very tolerable people, we absolutely cannot tolerate unnecessary drama, egotistical behavior, or self-centeredness; especially that of narcissists.

We also cannot tolerate negativity in others, especially judgment and jealousy. Those attitudes immediately drain our energy.

We cannot lie to ourselves, nor can we pretend to enjoy things that we don't enjoy, whether it involves social activities or our work. Our work must feel meaningful to us or it will end up making us emotionally, spiritually, and physically unwell. Many empaths work in creative fields such as art, dance, writing, or music; expressive fields that feeds their souls and is vital to their well-beings.

We also cannot pretend to be happy when we're not, and unhappiness can take us over at any moment.

Because of the bombardment of overwhelming energies, negative and positive, empaths are highly prone to mood swings. We can be easy going and happy one minute and miserable the next without any logical transition. We may be the life of the party one minute and then quiet and reclusive the next. When we are miserable we can't hide it even if we want to.

It is written across our face for everyone to see.

One thing that makes us very unhappy is restrictions. Empaths are free spirits who must have their freedom of movement and expression.

We feel imprisoned by,

• control

• rules that are too rigid or that we do not believe in

• routines

Many of our life experiences have been daring or adventurous - we have a great need to experience the true pulse of life, whether good or bad.

And having had these various life experiences we have knowledge on a wide range of topics.

This often makes us appear wise to others, though we are usually quiet about our achievements unless asked. We are more comfortable pointing out the achievements and attributes of others.

Empaths exude a deep level of warmth and compassion that draws others to them. Strangers sense that about us on a subconscious level and find themselves telling us private things about their lives. Before they realize what they have done they have poured out their heart to us. Animals bond to us very quickly for the same reasons.

Our deepest mutual connections are with those who those who are like us, those who get us, and those we can be expressive, open, and frank with. We can form lasting friendships with those who are not like us but it will always feel as if an element of the relationship missing.

Empaths have difficulty staying focused on things that do not stimulate their minds. We are daydreamers who get bored or distracted easily. When we are not stimulated our minds will go off to other places, sometimes even detach from the physical reality.

We live our lives in duality. Empaths physically exist in the dense, dark world filled with negativity and lower energy called Earth, but they mentally exist in the light, pure, high energy, optimistic world of spirit.

It is hard for us to stay grounded because we understand the freedom of the alternative world, but we must stay grounded because that is the way we all complete our Earthly missions.

Empathy Connects Us to The Heart of Others
by Randi G. Fine

December 26, 2013

from RandiGFine Website

Spanish version
 

Excerpted from my

August 2, 2012 show on A Fine Time for Healing,

"Is Our Ability to Empathize Eroding?"

Where Has Our Ability to Empathize Gone?

Empathy is the ability to emotionally put oneself into someone else's shoes - the capacity to share and understand the feelings, emotions, and perspective experienced by another person, both negative and positive.

Empathy is the identification and relationship that connects us as human beings.

We show empathy through statements such as,

"I can see you are really uncomfortable about this," and "I can understand why you would be upset."

We show empathy through a hug, a reassuring touch, and even through a "high five" when our empathy relates to someone's success.

Empathy is not the same emotion as sympathy.

• empathy allows us to vicariously experience and identify with other's feelings

• sympathy is a feeling of pity or sorrow for the feelings of others

• with empathy we feel with someone else

• with sympathy we feel for someone else

There are many theories concerning the nature versus nurture aspect of empathic development. Are some people born virtuous and some people born evil?

Dr. Paul Zak has studied the biological basis of good versus evil behavior over a number of years and has made a very interesting discovery. He found that when people feel for other people, the stress triggers the brain to release a chemical called oxytocin.

Likewise, a study at Berkeley concluded that a particular variant of the oxytocin receptor gene is associated with the trait of human empathy. In the study, those who had this gene variant were found to have a more empathic nature.

Dr. Zak says that this study demonstrates that some people, about five percent of our population, may have a gene variant that makes them less empathic. In other words, he says, some people are more or less immune to oxytocin.

So there is scientific evidence that the goodness trait is encoded in our genes. But nature is not the only influencing factor. We may be born with the capacity to have empathy, but our ability to apply it, to care and understand, is a learned behavior.

Social psychologists say that empathetic behavior is built from the secure attachment babies develop with their parents or primary caregivers, and by modeling their parents' empathetic behavior towards them and others.

Sincere empathetic behavior develops in children whose parents constantly show, teach, and reinforce it.

It is a gradual emergence that occurs with the consistency and caring shown to them during the formative years of their social and emotional development. In many cases, but not all, adults who lack empathy have been victims of childhood abuse or neglect.

Those who have had extremely painful childhoods, ones that have involved emotional, sexual, or physical abuse, often lose touch with their own feelings while shutting themselves off from the pain.

Their underdeveloped coping skills leave them saddled with distress, whether their own or others, and their lack of ability to experience their own pain prevents them from feeling the pain of others.

As adults their elaborately built defense mechanisms block guilt and shame while also blocking their conscience.

They live life through fear, threats, punishment, and isolation rather than empathy and kindness.

In many cases the opposite is true - the person over-identifies with others' pain, is overwhelmed by it, and becomes overly empathetic to the point that they absorb the feelings of everyone around them.

Their internal pain and suffering is triggered when they see others in pain and suffering, therefore become preoccupied with everyone else's pain and make it their own. I did that for most of my life. Often it was to deflect my own pain but ironically it caused me to suffer more. I had very poor coping skills and my boundaries were out of whack if existent at all.

I also modeled the behavior I observed as a child.

I do think that overall, my generation, a generation that relied on human interaction, a generation where families visited relatives and friends every Sunday because there was nothing else to do, is more empathetic than the generations that have followed.

In fact, an eye opening new study presented by University of Michigan researchers at an Association for psychological science annual meeting claims that college students who started school after the year 2000 have empathy levels that are 40% lower than students thirty years prior. The sharpest drop occurred in the last nine years.

The study includes data from over 14,000 students.

One reason that this is happening is because students are becoming more self-oriented as their world becomes increasingly more competitive. Some say that social networking is creating a more narcissistic generation.

According to lead researchers, it is harder for today's college student to empathize with others because so much of their social interactions are done through a computer or cell phone and not through real life interaction.

With their friends online they can pick and choose who they will respond to and who they will tune out. That is more than likely to carry over into real life.

This is also a generation that grew up playing video games. Much of their formative years development has been influenced by input from computer generated images and violent cyber-interactions. There has to be a connection. This may partly explain the numbing of this generation.

Another point of view was presented by Christopher Lasch, a well-known American historian, moralist, and social critic, in a book he published in 1979 called, The Culture of Narcissism - American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations.

Lasch links the prevalence of narcissism in our society to the decline of the family unit, loss of core values, and long-term social disintegration in the twentieth century.

He believed that the liberal, utopian lifestyle of the 60's gave way to a search for personal growth in the 70's.

But people were unsuccessful in their attempts to find their selves. So a movement began to build a society that celebrated self-expression, self-esteem, and self-love. That's all well and good, or so it seems, but as a result of the "me" focus, more narcissism was inadvertently created. It all backfired - aggression, materialism, lack of caring for others, and shallow values have been the result.

There are certainly many of us who have not become this way - studies speak for society in general.

Today we live with constant internal and external pressures of life. On a daily basis our society faces terrorism, crime, economic crises, widespread job insecurity, war, political corruption. We see the disintegration of morality wherever we look.

As a writer, author, and inspirer I was greatly disturbed by the overwhelming success of a book (I will not promote the name except to say that it has the word "gray" in the title) based on pornography and smut. It astounds me that millions of people have read it. My publisher would have instantly rejected a manuscript of such low moral content and offensive subject matter.

Where has our appreciation for quality literature as a society gone to? And what has happened to our legal system?

It has been demonstrated time and time again that the rights of the innocent take a back seat to the rights of the offender. Our laws do very little to control criminals. In fact, it seems as if criminals control the law. If ever an empathy disorder could spur unthinkable violence to erupt in a seemingly normal person, now is the time.

Scientists have studied empathy from many approaches and together have found both physiological and psychological roots for it. Since humans are composed of body, mind, and soul, that makes perfect sense. Many things influence our behaviors.

Simon Baron-Cohen, a developmental psychopathology and autism expert, researched the genetic and environmental aspects of empathy back in the 60's.

He was curious as to why some people lack empathy in their dealings with others.

His book Zero Degrees of Empathy - A New Theory of Human Cruelty is an expose of his opinions, personal experiences, and findings.

The object of the book is to present a way of understanding why people do bad things. Through his book he explains away the intangible concept of evil and explores a more explainable theory - the theory that there are levels of empathy and they lie within a spectrum.

Baron-Cohen says that a person's level of empathy comes from an empathy circuit lying deep within the brain. The function of this circuit determines where a person falls within the empathy spectrum. He measures a person's level of empathy by degrees, six degrees being a high functioning empathy circuit and zero degrees a low functioning one.

He classifies people who have psychopathic and narcissistic personality disorders, those who lack the ability to feel others' feelings and cannot self-regulate their treatments of others, as zero-negative.

The best and most common way that empathy is assessed, with empathy defined as,

"the reactions of one individual to the observed experiences of another," is through a questionnaire called The Interpersonal Reactivity Index.

The questionnaire uses 5-point scales (A = does not describe me well to E = describes me very well). This scale is used to evaluate a person's perspective of his or herself.

There are four categories of assessment.

The first category is Fantasy, as in the statement,

"When I am reading an interesting story or novel, I imagine how I would feel if the events in the story were happening to me.

The second category is Perspective-taking, as in the statement,

"Before criticizing somebody, I try to imagine how I would feel if I were in their place."

The third category is empathetic concern, as in the statement,

"When I see someone being taken advantage of, I feel kind of protective towards them."

And the fourth category is personal distress, as in the statement,

"When I see someone who badly needs help in an emergency, I go to pieces."

Since empathy begins with awareness of another person's feelings and receptiveness to the subtle cues that others give off, which happen to be abilities that women are naturally adept at, females generally score higher on these types of tests.

Those who have experienced the widest range of emotions and those who are most in touch with their feelings are also more able to empathize with what others feel.

These people are not typically a threat to society. But there are also those who are completely devoid of empathy. These are the people that are dangers to our society.

They are ticking time bombs that may explode at any time.

Listen below to this show in its entirety: