May 22, 2021
You hate them.
Your heart burns
and your gut churns
Welcome to the world of
One second you're laughing, the next, you're screaming at each
One minute you embrace, the next, you swear you could kill them.
And yet, despite the ups
and downs, you always seem to get pulled back into the sticky
honey-like spider web of your relationship with them.
We all experience at least one karmic relationship in life - it's
part of our spiritual calling.
But the question is,
How do we know if
a certain relationship is karmic?
purpose of karmic relationships?
And is it healthy
to stay in one or not?
What is a
Tracing its origins back to ancient Eastern philosophy, a
karmic relationship describes,
a connection between
two people that has rekindled in this life from a previous
incarnation (i.e., past life).
For whatever reason, the
relationship we had in that past incarnation carries "unfinished
business" and unresolved issues.
Thus, in this
lifetime, we're tasked with clearing that karma for the
enrichment and evolution of
Another way of putting it
are bonds created between the Souls of individuals who, before
being born into this world, agreed to work their shit out (also
known as creating a 'Soul Contract.')
Whether you believe
in reincarnation or not, karmic
relationships (at the very least) can be seen as opportunities to
learn major life lessons.
And no, karmic relationships don't just occur between lovers,
they're also found among friends, family members, children, and even
Twin Flame +
Soul Mate Relationships = Karmic Relationships?
You might be wondering at this point whether twin flame or
soul mate relationships are karmic relationships?
My answer is that
sometimes they are, but usually they're not...
In our article on
soul mates and twin flames, we
outline the core difference between these two vitally important
Soul mates are people
in our lives whom we connect with on a deep level.
A soul mate connection feels gentle, deep, and easy. (As such,
it's unlikely to be karmic.)
A twin flame, on the other hand, is our soul's mirror.
A twin flame connection feels intense and transformational:
their purpose is
to help us undergo spiritual integration and transformation.
It's common to confuse
karmic relationships with twin flame connections.
Sometimes, the two go
hand-in-hand. Yet, overall, a twin flame relationship is designed to
help us more than harm us. Again, there's a fine line between
help and harm.
Sometimes, for instance,
something that harms us can eventually help us, and vice versa.
But generally, it's easy
to tell the difference between twin flame/soul mate and karmic
A karmic relationship
smells like musky tobacco.
A soul mate
relationship smells like roses and jasmine.
And a twin flame
relationship smells like frankincense and myrrh.
So when it comes to
distinguishing between these relationships it's helpful to remember
that there's a difference between a karmic lesson and
a karmic relationship.
If your relationship
is like a non-stop rollercoaster, it's probably karmic.
But if you have
arguments and dramas from time-to-time (what relationship
doesn't?) it's probably a karmic lesson you're in the process of
Awakening and Karmic Relationships
There is a large glimmering red ruby hidden at the core of karmic
The treasure to be found
must be earned, and it can take time, patience, and tremendous
humility.The gift I'm talking about is spiritual evolution
(involution) and soulful maturation.
Karmic relationships are the doorway into deeper growth, expansion,
As irritating and
upsetting as they are, they're an opportunity to return to,
the Truth of Who We
But this chance to awaken
doesn't come easily. Who said it would?
The nature of life is that there must be friction to grow.
A baby chick must
peck its way out of the shell. A seedling must push out of the
earth. A newborn is squeezed and screamed out of the womb.
We too must go through
this process of tension and release, death and rebirth.
And yet, despite the blood, sweat, and tears, we eventually realize
that our pain never diminished our essence, it forged it. Our egos
may be shattered, but our souls can never be touched.
Perhaps that is the biggest spiritual lesson of karmic
they open us to the
power of Love through the gateway of letting go.
They remind us of
who we truly are...
19 Signs +
STAGES You're in a Karmic Relationship
We've all seen karmic relationships play out in literature and
Romeo and Juliet,
Tristan and Isolde, Catherine and Heathcliff - all of these
karmic stories teach us something...
But it can be hard to
know whether we're in a karmic relationship or not. And if so, what
to do next.
Here are some helpful signs to look out for written primarily for
those in karmic romantic relationships (but please note that
not all karmic relationships are 'romantic'):
drawn to them
The moment you met you both had an instant connection. It was as
if you were magnetized to each other. It all felt so mysterious
You either hated or
loved them at first - there was no middle ground.
As you got to know them, you fell further down the rabbit hole.
Something about them
was intoxicating - like an addictive mixture of chocolate, wine,
and heroin. You just can't get enough of them.
Staying away feels
like going through drug withdrawal!
Experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions
The more time you spend around them, the more your emotional
life is sent into a tailspin. You swing between love, hate,
lust, disgust, laughter and rage.
The highs are very
high, and the lows are very low.
As your emotions bounce up and down, so does the relationship.
You both seem to attract or create drama and play out
unconscious games with each other.
Something feels 'off'
Your gut instincts begin to kick in and a feeling of heaviness,
discomfort, or dread sits at the pit of your stomach.
Deep down, you can't
shake away the feeling that something is terribly off in your
relationship. You try to ignore this feeling, dismissing it as
paranoia or silliness.
don't feel safe
Being authentically vulnerable with them feels scary genuinely.
Can they be trusted with your precious heart?
In truth, you don't
know if you can really trust them due to their track record.
When you do open
up, they can't hold space for you.
too wound up in their own problems or they flat out reject
In the end, you don't
feel safe enough to be your full self around them.
7. The sex
Sexually, you have a hot, intense, and wild connection. You've
never experienced such amazing sex in your life. And yet
afterwards, something feels lacking.
The connection is
deliciously carnal, but also addictive as it keeps you stuck in
the same old place.
Repetitive cycles and patterns
The same negative patterns keep popping up no matter how much
you think you've "worked through" them together.
Either they are not
holding up their side of the relationship or you aren't. For
instance, if one of you has had an affair, chances are that it
has happened multiple times, and will continue.
irritations keep emerging in increasingly provocative and
Let's face it, the two of you aren't the best communicators.
There's a lot of unspoken assumptions, prejudice, judgment, and
skipping to conclusions quickly.
When you've tried to
communicate openly, it just hasn't worked the way you intended,
no matter how much you try.
At any given time, the two of you are like matches just waiting
to be lit.
One of you will
tend to bottle up that anger (which turns into rage), and
the other tends to explode whenever irritations occur...
You both have a
special way of pushing each other's buttons.
bring out the worst in you
Your shadow selves (i.e., dark side) relish dancing with
each other and you're often shocked by their behavior and your
Sometimes you're left
"Who am I/who are
Despite the fact that
they bring out the worst in you, you can't imagine life without
them. You just don't want to let go.
drain and exhaustion
Being in this relationship is tiring.
You feel mentally and
emotionally drained around them, but chances are that you blame
yourself for these feelings. The truth is that if you feel
perpetually exhausted, the process of letting go has already
The relationship just
isn't destined to last, and you'll eventually feel compelled to
morals and values are tested
You tolerate behavior from them that you would never stand for
in another person. Perhaps you enable one of their addictions or
you adopt shady ethics.
Whatever the case,
your character is being tested.
What are you
willing to put up with?
Where do you draw
At what point do
you say no?
Self-sabotage and self-destructiveness
Strangely, it's as if you're both drawn to try and sabotage each
It might be a
sarcastic off-handed comment or a full-blown act of malice. The
result is that you often feel like competitors, not a supportive
There is an
underlying darkness to your connection, and one (or both) of you
tend to become more self-destructive.
Deep down, you feel that your happiness depends solely on their
Whatever they say,
think, or feel about you is immediately taken as the gospel
truth. While you give-give-give, they take-take-take (or vice
And ultimately, your
entire sense of self-worth is based on the way they behave.
begin to stagnate
At some point, you feel stuck.
feels like it's stranded in a thick pit of tar. You try to
take two steps forward but are drawn ten steps back.
bitterness, anxiety, and depression soon follow. You are
terrified of leaving this relationship, but it feels dead.
You don't know what
desire for answers
Fragile, exhausted, and disconnected, you begin searching for
Why does this
relationship bring you so much pain?
How can you
resolve your issues together?
As you begin soul
searching, you start evolving.
You begin drawing
back a sense of self-sovereignty. In many ways, you're starting
to evolve to the next level, yet this means you need to leave
A split between
desire-for-staying and desire-for-leaving builds within you.
18. Struggle to
In all truth, you know that this relationship is unhealthy for
Yet you can't release
the idea that you're "destined to be together forever." And
besides, going out on your own feels frightening and
You may decide to leave, but again, you're drawn back to them!
The seductive and
toxic cycle continues...
While some people can
"cut the cord" and end the soul contract, others keep repeating
the holding-on-letting-go cycle many times before emotional
Reconnecting with love and letting go
Eventually, the lessons have been learned.
The karma has been
cleared. Through the power of love, forgiveness, and a solid
dose of boundary-setting, you are able to surrender and let go
of your karmic relationship.
This process might
happen in your lifetime or in a future one depending on how much
inner work occurs.
My response is that it depends...
Firstly, is it a
karmic relationship, or is it some other kind of
relationship with karmic lessons?
As I wrote previously in this article, if your relationship
is like a non-stop rollercoaster, it's probably karmic.
But if you have arguments and dramas from time to time (what
relationship doesn't?) it's probably a karmic lesson you're
in the process of learning.
is black and white. Not all karmic relationships are
destined to end - but most are.
Is the other person doing the work? Are they committed to
growth and change? If so, cautiously proceed. It might be
If the other person isn't growing or evolving or committed
to change, it's better to end that relationship.
How to Let Go
of a Karmic Relationship
Here's some guidance:
Reach out to
others for mental, emotional, and spiritual support - we are
biologically programmed to seek comfort in the presence of
others, so try to call in (or build) a support network
Decide how you
will say goodbye - what's the healthiest and swiftest way of
bidding them farewell?
self-love and forgiveness - this will enable you to love and
Be thankful and
resolute - reflect on what you're grateful for learning and
be solid in your conviction to leave
Listen to some
healing meditations for spiritual nourishment
breath-work might help you to release the 'karmic cords'
that connect the two of you
letting go and letting be
Do some deep
listening and let yourself feel your feelings
Begin to build
the foundation of your new life
And remember to be
gentle with yourself and be proud of how far you've come!
Karmic relationships can happen between us and partners, parents,
family members, children, friends, or anyone, in fact, who is part
of our life.
These relationships offer tremendous illumination and the
opportunity for spiritual evolution. But growing the
Soul is often an arduous and perilous adventure.
And yet, like many things in life, karmic relationships are both
tragic and beautiful pointers to our True Essence that flourishes
through the power of love.