"I BELIEVE" |
Part 1 SUICIDE of Algernon… This extract tells of how a relative young and rich man - Algernon Reginald St Clair de Bonkers - took his life after he had been hurt in a battle in the Boer War - and thereby lost his sexual organ - which made him feel that his life was not any longer worth living. Without any possibility for the normal sexual activity. Thus he some time later made a suicide in the bathroom - and here we enter the original text when the servant in the house had found the dead body and called for help: ….then they moved into the bathroom and lifted up the body, dropping it unceremoniously (uhøytidlig) into the sawdust in the casket, carefully putting the lid back into position. Perfunctorily they rinsed their hands under the tap and, not finding any clean towels, they wiped their dripping hands on the curtains. Then out they went into the corridor, treading half-congealed (størknet) blood all over the corridor carpet. With many a grunt they lifted the casket (likkiste) and proceeded towards the stairs. 'Bear a hand here, you men,' called the undertaker to two footmen, 'take the lower end, we mustn't tip him out.' Two men hurried forward, and carefully the casket was eased down the stairs and out into the open, and slid into a black covered wagon. The undertaker got inside, the two assistants got up on the box, the reins were picked up and the horses ambled off at a leisurely pace. Sergeant Murdock moved ponderously up the stairs again and went into the bathroom. With a cloth he picked up the open razor and put it aside. Then' he carried out an inspection to see if anything else of use as evidence could be found. The spirit of Sir Algernon, glued ("limt") to the ceiling, looked down in utter fascination. Then for some reason Sergeant Murdock turned his eyes to the ceiling, emitted a bellow (brøl) of fright, and fell down with a bonk that cracked the toilet seat. With that the spirit of Sir Algernon vanished, and he himself lost consciousness, being aware only of a strange humming, a weird swirling(nifs virvling), and clouds of rolling blackness like the smoke from a paraffin reading lamp - which had been turned too high and left unattended in a room. And so darkness fell upon him, and the spirit of Sir Algernon took no further interest in the proceedings, at least for the time being. Algernon Reginald St. Clair de Bonkers stirred uneasily in what seemed to be a deeply drugged (bedøvende) sleep. Strange thoughts swarmed (svermet) across his half-submerged consciousness. There came bursts (utbrudd) of heavenly music followed by wild outpourings of hellish sound. Algernon stirred fretfully, and in one period of greater consciousness he stirred and found to his astonishment that his movements were sluggish, torpid, as though he were immersed in a gooey mess (nedesenket i noe klebrig søl). Algernon Reginald St Clair de Bonkers woke up with a start and tried to sit erect but found his movements constricted (sammensnørt), he could only move in slow motion. Panic struck and he tried to flail (slå) about in his anguish (pine) but found his movements were slow, turgid, and it calmed him down quite a lot. He felt for his eyes to see if they were open or shut because he could see no light. It did not matter if his eyes were open or shut, there was no sensation of light. He put his hands down to feel the texture of the bed, but then he shrieked in shock because there was no bed beneath him, he was suspended - as he himself put it - 'like a fish stuck in syrup in a fish tank'. For a time he feebly flailed with his arms as does a swimmer, trying to push against something so he would have the satisfaction of getting somewhere. But as hard as he pushed with his widespread hands and arms and his thrusting feet, so did 'something' hold him back. To his astonishment all his efforts failed to make him breathless, failed to make him tired, so, having seen the uselessness of an attempt at physical effort, he just lay still and thought. 'Where was I?' he thought back. 'Oh yes, I remember, I decided to kill myself, I decided that it was useless going on as I had been going on, bereft (berøvet) of female society because of the nature of my disability. How unfortunate it was,' he muttered to himself, 'that the filthy Boers should have shot me THERE!' For some moments he lay there thinking of the past, thinking of the bearded Boer who had raised his rifle and deliberately, quite deliberately, aimed at him not with a view to killing him, but with the definite objective of what must politely be termed robbing him of his manhood. He thought of the 'dear Vicar' who had recommended Algernon's house as a very safe refuge for servant girls who had to earn a living. He thought, too, of his father who had said while the young man was still a schoolboy, 'Well, Algernon, m'lad, you have to get to learn the facts of life, you have to practise on some of the servant girls we have here, you'll find them quite useful to play with but be sure you do not take things too seriously. These lower classes are there for our convenience, aren't they?' 'Yes,' he thought, 'even the housekeeper had smiled a peculiar little smile when a particularly comely (tiltalende) young maid servant was engaged. The housekeeper said, "You'll be quite safe here, dear, the Master will not bother you at all, he's like one of those horses in the field, you know, they've been doctored. Yes, you'll be quite safe here," and the housekeeper had turned away with a sly (listig) little chuckle.' Algernon reviewed his life in some detail. The shattering impact of the bullet and how he had doubled up and vomited in anguish (kastet opp i pine). Still in his ears he could hear the raucous (rustne) laughter of the old Boer farmer as he said, 'No more gels for you, m'lad, we'll stop you from continuing the family name. Now you'll be like them there eunuchs (kastrerte) we used to hear about.' Algernon felt himself grow hot all over with the shame of it, and it reminded him of the longterm plan he had made, a plan to commit suicide following the decision that he could not go on living under such strange conditions. He found it quite intolerable when the Vicar (sogneprest) called upon him and made oblique (skjevt blikk) references to his ailment, and said how glad he would be to have such a safe young man help with the Women's meetings and the Sunday afternoon sewing sessions, and all that sort of thing because - the Vicar said -'We cannot be too careful, can we? We must not impugn the good name of our Church, must we?' And then there was the doctor, the old family doctor, Dr. Mortimer Davis who used to ride up of an evening on his old horse Wellington. Dr. Davis would sit down in the study, and together they would have a comfortable glass of wine, but the comfort was always ruined when the doctor would say, 'Well, Sir Algernon, I think I should examine you, we have to make sure you do not develop feminine characteristics, because unless we exercise the most extreme supervision - you may find that your facial hair will fall out and you will develop ahem - female breasts. One of the things for which we must be most observant is for any change in the timbre of your voice because now that you have lost certain glands, the chemistry of your body has changed.' The doctor looked at him most quizzically to see how he was taking it, and then said, 'Well now, I think I could do with another glass of wine, you have most excellent wine here, your dear father was a great connoisseur (kjenner) of the luxuries of life - especially with the distaff side of the luxuries, heh, heh, heh!' Poor Algernon had all that he could take when one day he heard the butler talking to the housekeeper, 'A terrible thing, you know, how it happened to Sir Algernon, such a lively virile young man, such a credit to his class. I know well how, before you came here and before he went to the War, he used to ride to hounds and made a very favourable impression on the matrons (bestyrerinner) of the district. They were always inviting Sir Algernon to parties, they always looked upon him as a most eligible (valgbar) young man, and a very desirable suitor for a daughter who had just come out. But now - well, the mothers of the district look upon him with commiseration (medfølelse) - but at least they know he doesn't need a chaperone when he goes out with their daughters. A very safe young man, a very safe young man indeed.' 'Yes,' thought Algernon, 'a very safe young man indeed. I wonder What they would have done in my place, lying there on the battlefield bleeding with my uniform breeches soaked in red, and then the surgeon coming along in the field and cutting off my clothing and with a sharp knife just amputating the tattered remnants of what made him different from a woman. Oh! The agony of it. Nowadays there is this thing they call chloroform which is stated to relieve pain, to give one surcease from the agony of operations, but on the field, no, nothing but a slashing knife and the bullet between one's teeth so one can bite down on the bullet and stop oneself from screaming. And then the shame of it, the shame of being deprived (fattig)- THERE. The sight of one's fellow sub alterns looking embarrassed and, at the same time, uttering salacious (slibrige) stories behind one's back. 'Yes, the shame of it, the shame of it. The last member of an old family, the de Bonkers who came over with the Norman invasion and who settled in that very salubrious part of England - and built a large manor (gods) house and had tenant (forpaktere) farmers. Now he, the last of the line, impotent through service to his country, impotent and laughed at by his peers. And what is there to laugh at?' he thought, 'in a man becoming maimed (lemlestet) in the service of others? He thought that now, because he had fought for his country, his line would fall into desuetude.' Algernon lay there, neither in the air, neither on the ground. He could not decide where he was, he could not decide what he was. He lay there flapping like a newly-landed fish, and then thought, 'Am I dead? What is death? I saw myself dead, then how am I here?' Inevitably his thoughts turned again to events since his return to England. He saw himself walking with some difficulty, and then carefully noting the expressions and the actions of his neighbours, of his family, and of his servants. The idea had grown that he should kill himself, that he should end a useless life. He had at one time locked himself away in his study and got out his pistol, carefully cleaned it, carefully loaded it and primed it. Then he had put the muzzle to his right temple and pulled the trigger. Just a sodden thunk had resulted. For moments he had sat there bemused (forvirret), unbelieving, his trusty pistol, which he had carried and used throughout the War - had betrayed (forrådt) him at last, he was still alive. He spread a sheet of clean paper on the desk in front of him and lowered the pistol on to it. Everything was as it should be, powder, ball, and cap, everything was perfectly in order. He assembled it again, powder, ball, and cap, and without thinking he pulled the trigger. There was a loud bang, and he had shot out his window. There came running feet and a pounding on the door. Slowly he had risen to his feet and unlocked the door to admit a white-faced, frightened butler. 'Oh, Sir Algernon, Sir Algernon, I thought some dreadful mishap had occurred,' said the butler in considerable agitation(uro). 'Oh no, it's quite all right, I was just cleaning my pistol and it went off - get a man to replace the window, will you?' Then there had been the attempt at horse riding. He had taken an old grey mare and had been riding out of the stables(stall), when a stable boy had tittered and murmured to an ostler (stallkar), two old mares together now, eh, what d'you think of that?' He turned and struck at the boy with his riding crop, and then flung (slengte) the reins over the horse's neck, jumped to the ground and hastened back to his home, never to ride a horse again. Then another time he thought of that strange plant which had come from the almost unknown country of Brazil, a plant which was supposed to give instant death to those who chewed its berries and got the poisonous juice down one's throat. He had done that, he had such a plant, which had been presented to him by a world traveller. For days he had carefully watered the plant, nourished it like a first-born child, and then when the plant was blooming and healthy, he had taken off the berries and stuffed them in his mouth. 'Oh! The agony of it,' he thought, 'the shame of it. No death, but things a thousand times worse than death. Such a gastric disturbance! Never in all history,' he thought, 'had there been such a purge, such a purge that he could not even take himself in time to the littlest room, And the shock of the housekeeper when she had to take his very soiled clothes and pass them to the laundry (vaske-) woman.' His face burned red at the mere thought of it. And then this latest attempt. He had sent up to London to the finest swordsmith (sverdsme) of that city, and there had been obtained for him the best and sharpest of razors, a beautiful instrument deeply engraved with the maker's name and crest. Sir Algernon had taken that wonderful blade and stropped it and stropped it and stropped it. And then, with one quick slash, he had cut his throat from ear to ear so that only the support of the spine in the neck had kept his head upon his shoulders. So he had seen himself dead. He knew he was dead because he knew he had killed himself, and then he had looked from the ceiling and seen himself on the floor with rapidly glazing eyes. He lay there in the darkness, in the turgid darkness, and thought and thought and thought. Death? What WAS death? Was there anything after death? He and his fellow subalterns and other officers in the Mess had often debated the subject. The Padre had tried to explain about the life immortal, about going to Heaven, and one dashing Hussar, a major, had said, 'Oh no, Padre, I am sure it's absolutely wrong. When one is dead, one is dead - and that's all there is to it. If I go and kill a Boer are you telling me that he'll go straight to Heaven or the Other Place? If I kill him with a bullet through his heart and I am standing there with my foot on his chest, I can tell you that he's very much under me, dead, dead as a stuffed pig. When we're dead we're dead, and there's nothing more to it.' He thought again of all the arguments for life after death. He wondered why anyone could say there was life after death. 'If you kill a man - well, he's dead and that's all there is to it. If there was a soul then you'd see something leave the body at death, wouldn't you?' Algernon lay there and pondered the whole matter, wondering what had happened, where was he? And then he had the terrible thought that perhaps it was all a nightmare and he had had a brainstorm, and was confined in an asylum for the mad. Carefully he felt about him to see if there were any restraining straps (sikringsremer). But no, he was floating, that's all there was to it, he was floating like a fish in water. So he returned to wonder what it was. 'Death? Am I dead? Then if I am dead where am I, what am I doing in this strange condition floating idly?' Words of the Padre came back to him: 'When you leave your body, an angel will be there to greet you and to guide you. You will be judged by God Himself, and then you will have whatever punishment God Himself decrees.' Algernon wondered about that whole matter. 'If God was a kind God why did a person have to be punished as soon as he was dead? And if he was dead how could a punishment affect him? He was here now,' he thought, 'lying quietly, no particular pain, no particular joy, just lying there quietly.' At that moment Algernon started with fear. Something had brushed by (feiet forbi) him. It was like having a hand put inside one's skull. He got an impression, not a voice, but an impression, a sensation that someone was thinking at him, 'Peace, be still, listen.' For a few moments Algernon flailed (fektet) away, trying to run. This was too mysterious, this was too unsettling, but he was stuck there. And so once again he had the impression, 'Peace, be still, and be freed from this.' Algernon thought to himself, 'I am an officer and a gentleman, I must not panic, I must be an example to my men.' So, confused though he was, he composed himself and let tranquillity and peace enter within him.
CHAPTER THREE ALGERNON suddenly shuddered with shock. Panic took hold of him. For a moment he thought that his brain was going to burst out of its skull. About him the blackness grew even blacker. Although he could not see in the total darkness, he could inexplicably FEEL turgid (oppsvulmede) clouds of blacker than blackness swirling around, enveloping him. Through the darkness he seemed to see a brilliant ray of light, pencil-thin, reaching out to him and touching him, and along the pencil-thin ray of light came the impression 'Peace, peace, be still and we will talk to you.' By superhuman efforts Algernon got a grip on his panic. Gradually he calmed down and once again rested more or less placidly (rolig) awaiting developments. They were swift in coming; 'We are willing to help you - we are very anxious to help you but you will not let us.' Algernon rolled the thought around in his brain. You will not let us,' he thought, 'but I haven't said a word to them, how can they say that I won't let them help me? I don't know who they are, I don't know what they are going to do, I don't even know where I am. If this is death,' he thought, 'well, what is it? Negation? Nothingness? Am I to be condemned for eternity to live in darkness like this? But even that,' he thought, 'poses a problem. Live? Well, do I live?' Thoughts swirled about him and his brain was in turmoil. Teachings of his early youth came to him: 'There is no death - I am the Resurrection ,- In my Father's house there are many mansions, I go to prepare a Way for you - If you behave you will go to Heaven - If you misbehave you will go to Hell - Only Christians have' a chance for Heaven.' So many contradictory statements, so much misunderstanding, so much of the blind teaching the blind. The priests and the Sunday School teachers, people blind themselves trying to teach others who they thought were even blinder. 'Hell?' he thought. 'What IS Hell? What is Heaven? IS there Heaven?' A strong thought broke in on his cogitations (funderinger): 'We are willing to help you if you will first accept the premise that you are alive and that there is life after death. We are willing to help you if you are prepared unreservedly to believe in us and believe in that which we can teach you.' Algernon's brain railed at the thought. What was this rubbish about accepting help? What was this stupid nonsense about believing? What COULD he believe? If he was to believe, then it implied there was a doubt. He wanted facts not beliefs. The facts were that he had died by his own hand, and the second fact was that he had seen his dead body, and the third fact was that he was now in total blackness apparently immersed in some sticky, turgid substance which prevented much movement. And then stupid people from - he knew not where - were sending thoughts into his head saying that he should believe. Well - WHAT should he believe? 'You are in the next stage after death,' the voice, or thought, or impression, or whatever it was, said to him. 'You have been misinformed, mistaught and misled upon the Earth, and if you want to come out of your self-imposed prison then we will get you out.' Algernon rested quietly and thought over the matter, and then he thought back. 'Well,' he thought strongly, 'if you want me to believe, first of all you should tell me what is happening to me. You say I am in the first stage after death, but I thought death was the end of everything.' 'Precisely!' broke in the thought or the voice very strongly. 'Precisely! You are surrounded by the black clouds of doubt, by the black clouds of unreason. You are surrounded by the 'blackness of ignorance, and this isolation is self-made, self-imposed and can only be self-destroyed.' Algernon did not like that a bit. It seemed to be blaming him for everything. Then he said, 'But I have no reason to believe, I can only go by what I have been taught. I have been taught various things in churches, and while a mer boy I was taught by Sunday School teachers and by a Governess, and now do you think I can scrap all that just because some unknown, unidentified impression comes to my mind? DO something to show me that there is something beyond this blackness.' Suddenly a break (forandring) appeared in the darkness. Suddenly the blackness rolled aside - like curtains on a stage rolling aside, that the actors could make their debut. Algernon was almost struck senseless by the influx of bright light and by the wondrous vibrations in the atmosphere. He almost screamed in the ecstasy of the moment, and then - doubt, and with the doubt came the rolling in of the blackness again, until once more he was engulfed in turgid darkness. Doubt, panic, self-recrimination, railing against the teachings of the world. He began to doubt his sanity. How could things like this be possible? He was certain by now that he was insane, certain that he was suffering hallucinations. His mind went back to that very potent Brazilian plant which he had ingested; supposing there had been side-effects, supposing he was suffering from long-delayed hallucinations. He had seen his dead body on the floor - but had he? How could he see himself if he was dead? He thought of looking down from the ceiling, he thought of the bald spot on the top of the butler's head. Well, if it were true why had he not noticed that bald spot before? If it were true, why had he not noticed that the housekeeper obviously wore a wig(parykk)? He pondered on the problem and wavered between the thought that life after death was possible, and the thought that he was undeniably insane. 'We will leave you to come to your own decision because the Law is that no person may be helped unless that person is willing to receive help. When you are ready to receive help, say so and we will come. And, remember, there is no reason whatever for you to continue this quite self-imposed isolation. This blackness is a figment of your imagination.' Time had no meaning. Thoughts came and went. But what, Algernon wondered, was the speed of thought? How many thoughts had he had? If he knew then he could work out how long he had been in this position and in this condition. But no, time no longer had meaning. Nothing had meaning as far as he could see. He reached his hands down and could feel nothing beneath him. Slowly, with infinite effort, he swept his arms up at full length. There was nothing, nothing at all that he could feel, nothing except the strange dragging as if he was pulling his arms through syrup. Then he let his hands rest upon his body and felt. Yes, his head was there, his neck, his shoulders, obviously his arms were there because he was using his hands to feel himself. But then he really jumped. He was naked, and he started to blush (rødme) at the thought. What if some person should come in and find him naked? In his strata of society one simply did not appear naked, it was 'not done'. But so far as he could tell, he still had his human body. And then his wandering, probing fingers stopped suddenly and he came to the definite conclusion that he was indeed mad - mad - for his searching fingers encountered parts which had been shot at by that Boer marksman and the remnants removed by the surgeon's knife. So he was intact again! Obviously it was imagination. Obviously, he thought, he had looked down at his dying body and he was still dying. But then the inescapable thought occurred to him that he had looked down. Well, how COULD he look down if he was indeed the body that was dying? And if he could look down then obviously some part of him, his soul or whatever one calls it, must have got out of the body, and the mere fact that he could look down upon himself indicated that there was 'something' after death. He lay there pondering, pondering, pondering. His brain seemed to be clicking like a machine. Gradually little bits of knowledge picked up in various parts of the world slipped into place. He thought of some religion - what was it? Hindu? Moslem? He didn't know, one of these outlandish foreign religions which only the natives believed in, but still, they taught that there was life after death, they taught that good men who died went to a place where there were unlimited willing girls available. Well, he could not see any girls available or not available, but it set him on a train of thought. There MUST be life after death, there must be something, and there must be someone otherwise how could he have got such a searchlight-bright thought in his mind? Algernon jumped with amazement. 'Oh! The dawn is coming,' he exclaimed. Indeed the darkness was less dark now, the turgidity (svulstigheten) around him was less as well, and he found himself sinking down gently, gently until his outstretched hands hanging down below the body felt 'something'. As the body sank even lower he found that his hands were clutching - no, it couldn't be! But further probings confirmed that, yes, his hands were in contact with soft grass, and then his unresisting body was resting upon short, cropped turf (gress). The realization flooded in that he was at last in some material place and there were other things besides darkness, and as he thought, as he realized this, so the darkness became less and he was as one in a light mist. Through the mist he could see vague figures, not clearly, not enough to distinguish what the figures were, but 'figures'. Looking up he found a shadowy figure looming (komme til syne) over him. He could just see two hands raised as though in benediction, and then a voice, not a thought inside his head this time, but an undeniable honest-to-goodness English voice obviously from one who had been to Eton or Oxford! 'Rise to your feet, my son,' said the voice. 'Rise to your feet and take my hands, feel that I am solid like you, and in so feeling you will have one more item of proof that you are alive - in a different state admittedly, but alive, and the sooner you realize that you are alive, and that there is life after death, then the sooner will you be able to enter the Great Reality.' Algernon made feeble attempts to get, to his feet, but things seemed to be different somehow, he didn't seem able to move his muscles as he used to, but then the voice came again: 'Picture yourself rising, picture yourself standing.' Algernon did that and, to his amazement, found that he was standing upright being clasped (omfavnet)by a figure which was be-coming brighter and plainer and brighter and plainer until he could see before him a middle-aged man of remarkably bright aspect and clad in yellow robes. Algernon gazed down at the length of the figure, and then his range of vision encountered himself. He saw that he was naked. Immediately he let out a shriek of fright, 'Oh!' he said, 'where are my clothes? I cannot be seen like this!' The figure smiled at him and gently said, 'Clothes do not make the man, my friend. One is born to the Earth without clothes, and one is reborn to this world without clothes. Think of the type of clothes you would like to wear and you will find them upon you.' Algernon thought of himself as a gay young subaltern (lavere offiser), clad in dark navy blue trousers, the legs reaching right down to the heels, and a bright red jacket. Around his waist he pictured a dazzlingly white blancoed belt with ammunition pouches. He pictured the brilliant brass buttons polished so sharply that one could see one's face in each. And then upon his head he pictured the dark pill box hat with the leather strap going down his cheek, beneath his chin, and up the other cheek. He pictured the scabbard at his side, and then he smiled to himself a secret inward smile as he thought, 'Let them produce THAT!' To his ineffable astonishment he found his body constricted by uniform, by the tightness of a belt, by the tightness of military boots. He found the tug (tyngden) at his side where the weight of the scabbard (sverdslire) and the weight of the pistol holster tried to drag the belt down. He felt beneath his chin the pressure of the chinstrap. And then, as he turned his head, he could see the glittering epaulets upon his shoulders. It was too much - too much. Algernon fainted and would have tumbled to the turf had not the middle-aged man gently lowered him. Algernon's eyelids fluttered and weakly he murmured, 'I believe, oh Lord, I believe. Forgive me my sins, forgive me the trespasses (synder), which I have committed.' The man with him smiled benignly upon him, and said, 'I am not the Lord, I am just one whose task it is to help those who come from the Earth life to this, the intermediate (mellom-) stage, and I am ready to help you when you are ready to receive the proffered help.' Algemon rose to his feet, this time without difficulty, and said, 'I am ready to receive such help as you can give me. But, tell me, did you go to Eton, were you at Balliol?' The figure smiled and said, 'Just call me friend, and we will deal with your questions later. First you have to enter into our world.' He turned and waved his hands in a sweeping motion, as if he were drawing curtains, in fact, and indeed the result was the same. The clouds of darkness dissipated, the shadows vanished, and Algernon found that he was standing on the greenest of green grass. The air about him was vibrant with life, pulsating with energy. From unknown sources there came impressions - not sounds, but impressions of music; 'music in the air' he would have described it, and he found it remarkably soothing. People were walking about just as people would walk about in a public park. It gave him, at first glance, an impression that he could have been walking about in Green Park or Hyde Park, London, but a very specially beautified Green Park or Hyde Park. Couples were sitting on seats, people were walking about, and then once again Algernon had a terrific impulse of fear because some people were moving along inches above the ground! One person was absolutely racing across the countryside at about ten feet above the ground, and was being chased by another person, and there were joyful shouts of happiness coming from both of them. Algernon felt a sudden chill along his spine and he shuddered, but his Friend gently took him by the arm and said, 'Come, let us sit over here because I want to tell you a little of this world before we go any further - otherwise the sights that you will see beyond might indeed impede your recovery.' 'Recovery,' said Algernon. 'Recovery indeed! I am not recovering from anything, I am perfectly healthy, perfectly normal.' His Friend smiled gently and said, 'Come, let us sit over here where we can watch the swans and the other water fowl, and we can give you an insight into the new life which is before you.' Somewhat reluctantly, and still bristling with anger at the thought that he was 'ill', Algernon permitted himself to be led to a nearby seat. They sat down and the Friend said, 'Rest comfortably, I have much to tell you because now you are upon another world, you are now in another plane of existence, and the more attention you pay to me, the more easily will you progress through this world.' Algernon was highly impressed that the park seat was so comfortable, it seemed to be form-fitting, quite unlike the parks he had known in London where, if one was unfortunate, one could obtain a splinter if one shuffled about on the seat. Before them the water shone blue and on it dazzling white swans glided majestically. The air was warm and vibrant. Then a sudden thought struck Algernon, a thought so sudden and so shocking that he almost jumped from the seat; there were no shadows! He looked up and found there was no sun either. The whole sky was glowing. The Friend said, 'Now we should talk about things be-cause I have to teach you about this world before you enter the Rest Home.' Algernon broke in, 'I am absolutely amazed that you should be wearing a yellow robe. Are you a member of some cult or society, or of some religious Order?' 'Oh good gracious me, what an extraordinary attitude of mind you have! What does it matter the colour of my robe? What does it matter that I wear a robe? I wear a robe because I want to wear a robe, because I find it suitable for me, because it is a uniform for the task I do.' He smiled and pointed at Algernon's attire. 'You wear a uniform, dark blue trousers, bright red jacket, and a peculiar pill box hat upon your head. You wear a white belt around your waist. Well, why are you dressed in such a remarkable fashion? You dress as you want to dress. No one here will take you to task for the way you dress. Similarly I dress in the style which suits me and because it is my uniform. But we are wasting time.' Algernon felt definitely chastened by it, and as he looked about he could see certain other yellow-robed persons in conversation with men and women who wore quite outlandish attire. But his companion was speaking: 'I must tell you,' said his companion, 'that upon Earth you are gravely misinformed about the truth of life and about the truth of life hereafter. Your religious leaders are like a gang of people who have got together, or like a gang of advertisers, each advertising his own wares and everyone of them completely oblivious to the truth of life and after life.' He paused and looked about, and then continued, 'Look at all these people here, can you tell who is a Christian, who a Jew, a Buddhist or a Moslem? They all look the same, don't they? And, in fact, all these people that you see in this park except those with yellow robes have one thing in common; they have all committed suicide.' Algernon recoiled in shock - all committed suicide. Then, he thought, possibly he was in a Home for the insane and perhaps the man in the yellow robe was a Keeper. He thought of all the strange things that had happened to him and which imposed a strain upon his credulity (godtroenhet). 'You must be aware that to commit suicide is a very, very grave crime. No one should commit suicide. There are no reasons whatever for suicide, and if people knew what they have to endure after suicide they would have more sense. This,' the companion said, 'is a reception centre where those who have committed felo (forbrytelser) de se - are rehabilitated, counselled (rådgiving), and returned to Earth in another body. I am going to tell you first about life on Earth and in this plane of existence.' They settled themselves more comfortably on the seat, and Algernon watched the swans idly gliding about on the pond. He noted there were many birds in the trees, squirrels too, and he also observed with interest that other yellow robed men and women were talking to their charges. 'Earth is a school of learning where people go to learn through hardship when they will not learn through kindness. People go to Earth as people on Earth go to school, and before going down to the Earth the entities who are going to take over an Earth body, are advised on the best type of body and the best conditions - to enable them to learn that which they have gone to learn, or to be more precise, to learn that for which they are actually going to Earth because, of course, they are advised before departing (avreise). You will experience this yourself, so let me tell you about this particular plane. Here we have what is known as the lower astral. Its transient (gjennomreisende) population is made up exclusively of suicides because, as I said, suicide is a crime and those who commit suicide are mentally unstable. In your own case - you committed suicide because you were unable to become a father, because you had been mutilated, but that is a condition which you went to Earth to endure and to learn to surmount (overvinne). I say to you very seriously, that before you did go to Earth, you arranged that you would be mutilated, and so it means that you have failed your test, it means that you have to start again and go through all that suffering once more, or more than once if you fail another time.' Algernon felt decidedly gloomy. He had thought that he was doing the noble thing in terminating what he imagined to be a useless life, and now he was told he had committed a crime and would have to atone for it. But his companion was speaking - 'This, the lower astral, is very close to the Earth-plane. It is about as low as one can get without actually returning to the Earth. Here we shall place you in a Rest Home for treatment. It will be an attempt to stabilize your mental state, it will be an attempt to strengthen you for your quite definite return to Earth as soon as conditions are suitable. But here on this astral plane you can walk about if you want to, or if you so desire you can fly through the air by merely thinking of it. Similarly - if you come to the conclusion that your attire (antrekk) is absurd, as indeed it is, then you can change that dress merely by thinking of what you would like to wear.' Algernon thought of a very nice suit, which he had once seen in a hot clime. It seemed to be off-white, lightweight and smartly cut. There was a sudden rustle and he looked down in alarm as his uniform vanished from him leaving him naked. With a shout of alarm he jumped to his feet clasping his hands over a strategic area, but no sooner was he on his feet than he found that other clothing adorned him, the clothing of his imagination. Sheepishly, blushing profusely, he sat down again. 'Here you will find that you need no food although if you have gluttonous impulses you can have food, any food you wish. You merely think about it and it is materialized out of the nourishment in the atmosphere. Think, for instance, of your favourite dish.' Algernon pondered for a moment or two, then he thought of roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, carrots, turnips, cabbage, a very large glass of cider, and a big cigar with which to end the repast. As he thought about it a vague shape appeared in front of him, solidified and hardened into a table covered with a dazzling white tablecloth. Then hands and forearms appeared and dishes were placed before him, silver tureens, crystal decanters, and one by one the lids were lifted from the tureens and Algernon saw before him -and smelled - the food of his choice. His companion just waved his hands, and all the food and table disappeared. 'There really is no need for such theatrical things, there is no need for this coarse type of food because here upon this astral plane the body absorbs food from the atmosphere. There is, as you see, no sun shining in the sky, but the whole sky is glittering and from the sky every person gets all the nourishment needed. Here we have no very thin people, no very fat people, but everyone is as the body demands.' Algernon looked about and found that that was undeniably correct. There were no fat people, there were no thin people, there were no dwarfs, there were no giants, everyone appeared to be remarkably well formed. Some of the people strolling (spaserte) by, had deep furrows of concentration on their foreheads - wondering, no doubt, about the future, worrying about the past, and regretting (angret) foolish actions. The companion rose to his feet and said, 'Now we must go to the Home of Rest. We will continue our talk as we stroll along. Your arrival was somewhat precipitate (overilt) and, although we are always alert for suicides, you had thought about it for so long that You - ah - took us rather unawares when you made that last desperate gash.' Algernon rose to his feet and reluctantly followed his companion. Together they strolled along the path flanking the pond (dam), together they went by little groups of people engaged in conversation. Every so often one pair would rise to their feet and walk off just as Algernon and his companion had risen to their feet and walked off. "Here you have confortable conditions because in this stage of the proceedings, you have to be, as it were, reconditioned for a return to the hardships and the sufferings of Earth, but remember that life upon Earth is just as the blink of an eyelid in what is actually the Real Time, and when you have completed your life upon Earth, completed it successfully, you will note, you do not return to this place again - but you bypass it and go to another phase of the astral planes, a plane depending upon your progress on Earth. Consider going to school on Earth; if you just get through your examinations, you may be retained in the same class, but if you make a more successful grade in the examinations, then you can be promoted, and if you make what we might term a cum laude (prisverdig) then, indeed, you might be promoted (forfremmet) even two grades. The same applies in the astral planes. You can be removed from the Earth at what you call 'death' and taken to a certain astral plane, or if you do extremely well, you can be taken to a much higher plane, and, of course, the higher you rise the better the conditions.' Algernon was greatly diverted by the changing scenery. They left the area of the pond and passed through a gap in a hedge. Before them stretched a beautifully kept lawn and sitting in chairs were groups of people listening to someone standing before them and obviously lecturing. But the companion made no pause, he continued straight on and soon they came to a rise in the ground which they ascended, and before them there was a most beautiful building, not white but slightly greentinted, a restful colour, a colour that engendered tranquillity and peace of mind. They arrived at a door, which opened automatically in front of them, and they went into a well lighted hall. Algernon looked about him with vast interest. He had never seen such a beautiful place, and he, one of the upper crust of English society, thought he was rather a connoisseur (kjenner) of the beauty of buildings. There seemed to be soaring columns and many corridors leading off this main reception vestibule. In the centre of the space there seemed to be a round desk at which a number of people were sitting. The companion with Algernon went forward and said, 'This is our friend, Algernon St. Clair de Bonkers. You were expecting him and I believe you have assigned a room to him.' There was a quick riffling of papers and a young woman said, 'Yes, that is correct, sir, I will have him shown to his room.' Immediately a young man got up and walked towards them. 'I will take you to your room, please follow me,' he said. The companion bowed briefly in Algernon's direction, turned and left the building. Algernon followed his new guide along a softly carpeted corridor and then turned into a very spacious room, a room which contained a bed, table and had two other smaller rooms adjoining. 'Now, sir, you will kindly get into bed and a medical team will come and examine you. You are not permitted to leave this room until the doctor assigned to you so permits.' He smiled and left the room. Algernon looked about him, and then went into the other two rooms. One seemed to be a living room with a comfortable couch (sofa) and chairs, and the other - well - it was a very bare little room with a hard floor and a hard chair, and nothing more. Algernon suddenly thought, 'Oh, apparently there are no toilet facilities here.' And then the thought occurred to him why should there be toilet facilities - he certainly had not felt any urge to use such facilities, and perhaps they did not do such things in this place! Algernon stood beside the bed and wondered what to do. Should he try to escape from the place? He went to the french windows and found that they would open freely, but when he tried to move out - no - there was some invisible barrier preventing him. Incipient panic departed from him and he moved back to the bed and started to remove his clothing. Then he thought, 'What shall I do without night attire (antrekk)?' As he thought that he heard and felt again that rustling, and looking down he found that he was dressed in a long white nightgown suitable to the period of his sojourn (opphold) upon Earth. He raised his eyebrows in considerable astonishment, and then slowly, thoughtfully, got into bed. Minutes later there was a discreet knock at the door. Algernon called 'Come in', and three people did so, two men and a woman. They introduced themselves as members of a rehabilitation team assigned to him. They sat down, and to Algernon's astonishment no stethoscope or sounding sticks were used, no pulse was felt. Instead they just looked at him and one started to talk: 'You are here because you have committed the grave crime of suicide whereby the whole of your life upon Earth has been wasted, and so you will have to start again and undergo fresh experiences in the hope that this next time you will succeed without committing the crime of suicide.' The man went on to say that Algernon would be subjected to special soothing (beroligende) rays in the hope that his health would speedily improve. He was told that it was necessary for him to return to Earth as quickly as possible. The sooner he returned to Earth - the easier it would be for him. 'But how can I return to Earth?' exclaimed Algernon. 'I am dead, or at least my physical body is dead, so how do you think you can put me back in it?' The young woman answered, 'Yes, but you are under grave misconceptions - because of the perfectly appalling (forferdelige) stuff you have been taught upon the Earth. The physical body is merely a garment, which the spirit dons in order that specially low tasks may be accomplished, in order that certain hard lessons may be learned, because the spirit itself cannot experience such low vibrations, and so has to take on garb (kledning) which permits it to experience things. You will go to Earth and be born to parents who will be chosen for you. You will be born in conditions which will enable you to most profit by your Earth experience, and, she said, 'remember that what we imply by profiting, does not necessarily mean money - because some of the more spiritual people on Earth are poor, while the wealthy are wicked. It depends on what one has to do, and it is thought that in your case you have been brought up to such wealth and comfort and it failed you, that this time you should have poorer conditions.' They talked for some time, and Algernon gradually got a grasp of the very different conditions from those which he had been led to believe. Soon he could realize that Christianity was just a name, Judaism was just a name, as were the names of Buddhism, the Moslem, the Islamic and other beliefs, and really there was only one religion, a religion which as yet he could not comprehend. The three people departed, and within the room the light faded. It was as though night had closed in on Algernon. He rested comfortably, he lost consciousness, and slept, and slept, and slept for he did not know how long, it may have been minutes, it may have been hours, it may have been days. But Algernon slept, and as he did so his spirit was revived and health flowed into him. |