Ok, this is the first time I've ever submitted a trip report. F
irst,
some background on me, 30 year old male, 5'9, 180 pounds. I have an
extensive background in both the physical and biological sciences,
have worked in labs, done research, taught the sciences. It's been
approximately 4 years since I last tripped and I grew recently for
the first time.
I ordered Mazatapecs from Sporeworks and I grew
using the PF tek; 1 month later had my first flush.
At 10:30pm (T-0), I consumed what I estimate to be 10 grams (dry
weight) of caps and stems from my first flush which I thought
would be enough for a Level 5 experience. I initially intended to do
my dose without Syrian Rue, since I had recently tried DMT
(extracted via lemon juice and boiling from mimosa hostilis) and
Syrian Rue and I had found the experiences to be demanding and
somewhat harsh.
I thought that adding Rue to my first psilocybin
experience in years might alter the experience in a direction I
didn't want to go in but I wasn't sure if I wouldn't use it later if
the trip wasn't as intense as I wanted it to be.
At around 11:15pm,
I began to feel the first effects of the psilocybin but since I was
anxious and thought the experience was weaker than expected (despite
my huge dose!) to be fair, my expectations were high I decided
to ingest 5 grams of ground Syrian Rue via 00 size gelcaps.
It was a rather warm, raining night for winter so I decided to go
for a walk to the local park (I live in Manhattan). Once there I
felt the typical trippy feelings of noticing the vivaciousness of
nature, the sky and sharp colors everywhere, but all in all it
wasn't very visual.
By the time I left the park, at around 12am, I
noticed the quality of the experience had changed and had become
less light-hearted and more serious, it felt somewhat like my DMT
experiences, so I thought that the Syrian Rue was now working and
MAO inhibition was in effect since it was about 45 minutes since I
had ingested the Rue.
As this happened, I noticed that a particular
bank of clouds or rather mist since they weren't more than 100
feet from the ground rising from the water that lay pooled on the
streets seemed to almost have an intelligent quality, something in
its movements seemed to indicate a pattern at work, a deliberate
conscious pattern. I noticed that this mist seemed to be following
me overhead: when I stopped to look up, other clouds behind this one
cloud would continue to move, but the cloud that I had been noticing
just hovered over me and ceased to move with the rest of the sky. It
was very strange, I felt as if I were being followed by the cloud.
Anyway, I didn't make too much out of all this. I got back home,
walked my dog and after returning made a few phone calls, one of
which was to my girlfriend to describe what I was feeling trippy
types of observations on life. After I hung up with her, I just sat
in the darkness of my living room and I just thought about things.
At around 1:15am, as I was sitting there, I seemed to realize or be
cognizant of some other presence in my mind, probing and violating
it.
I was shocked and it seemed as if a huge epiphany had been
revealed to me I jumped up and I just knew that this 'presence'
wasn't something new, it was something that had always been there
and that it somehow was being revealed to me either by its own
will or through the conduit of the psilocybin and MAOI I had
ingested that evening.
At this point, I felt that I had to resist,
that something wrong was being done to me and had been done to me
for much if not all of my life. I was very frightened, but
determined to resist even though I wasn't sure how I was supposed
to resist all I knew was that resisting was imperative.
As this was happening, I somehow managed to gain insights into the
presence that was probing me, I felt rather than thought that it
was a very sophisticated both technologically and intellectually
that it was very old, malevolent and reptilian in form, that feeling
kept coming over and over reptilian, it is reptilian. I felt that
it saw me as prey and that somehow mankind was under its rule
being manipulated, controlled, infiltrated and destroyed by this reptilian race.
I felt that this presence had great power over us,
that our DNA was controlled by it, our cities built according to its
designs and that its civilization spanned what seemed to be billions
of planets and uncountable organisms. I have worked at labs with
mice and I could feel that it perceived me in the same way that a
human scientist sees a lab mouse and that frightened me the most.
I
called up my girlfriend and told her what I was feeling and she
immediately noticed that I was very passionate about what I was
describing even if she couldn't quite understand. I told her that
there were 'powerful and unseen forces at play around us all the
time that we couldn't perceive.'
As all of this was happening, I started to lose touch with reality
completely, I entered some astral realm and I was being told the
great secrets of existence which I couldn't reason with and as this
was happening I continually repeated 'I understand' out loud over
and over.
I began to tell my girlfriend on the phone what I was
experiencing, about how I felt the presence of great Saints like
Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus, Guru Nanak Dev, Mata Amritanandamayi in
this place and I nearly started crying as I felt with great
tenderness how these noble souls had realized what the Universe was
and somehow tried to order it and explain/share it with the rest of
us.
In this place, where the only tie I had with my life was my
girlfriend on a cell phone, that was somehow the creative matrix of
all life, I also realized that all these great Saints had all known
about the reptilians among us, that somehow their teachings were
designed to empower humans to throw off the yoke of our slavery and
that somehow pop-culture was a reptilian plot to distract humans
from the fact of our slavery so that we could not evolve spiritually
and be free.
I also felt that somehow my girlfriend needed to be here with me, I
felt in particular the presence of Mata Amritanandamayi (www.ammachi.org),
perhaps the greatest living saint on our planet and someone from
whom I had twice received her blessings (darshan) in person. It
seemed Mataji was calling out to me and my girlfriend and that we
needed to be there together with her.
I felt that Mataji had been
fighting to free us humans from the reptilians and that she was
calling out to us.
I also felt the soul of my dog was somehow
involved in this. So I was going to drive down to my girlfriend's
apartment but I knew if I did I would die and that something wanted
me to do this. I never felt the line between life and death was
thinner than at this point.
My girlfriend told me that she would
come to me, but it was maybe 3-4am in the morning and it wasn't safe
and I for some reason knew that 'they' would try to stop her.
Then
perhaps the strangest things started happening, I hung up the phone
with my girlfriend and we were still able to talk. She was
transmitting her feelings to me and I to her.
We talked a lot about
Mataji and how she was telling me things about us, about our souls,
our destinies that she and I would protect my girlfriend as she took
the subway to my apartment I knew that nothing could happen to her,
that if something did, she should call for me (without the phone)
and I would help her.
We have never communicated in this manner and
my girlfriend who was a real skeptic about these things no longer
doubts me as she felt this telepathy between us for hours and even
after the fact acknowledges it.
As this was happening, I was in the bathroom of my apartment and I
knew that this was just the cusp of my abilities, I started talking
to my dog and she began to reveal her loneliness to me (my other dog
just recently passed away), she told me that she considered my other
dog her husband and was very committed to him, that she felt very
much alone without him, she also revealed her low self-esteem to me,
that she had a self image of her being deformed and ugly (she's a
pedigreed and very pretty dog) and that she was always frightened
that me and my girlfriend would one day eat her this was her
greatest fear she was very scared about her flesh being consumed
and she told me that she wanted to be treated with respect and
dignity.
She also told me that she knew about
the reptilians and she
feared them too and she wanted to join me in my fight against them.
As I was thinking about them, she was transmitting me to me that we
should go and eat them which I thought was kind of cute this
little dog being so fierce and so herself about such a powerful foe.
But I also knew that the reptilians weren't the enemy either, that
there was much they didn't know about existence and that they were
arrogant about their knowledge and tried to present themselves as
omniscient but in actuality were far from understanding everything,
that they experienced doubt and confusion too.
At this point, I got out of the bathroom and the thought came to me
that I should be naked and I ripped off my clothes and sat down and
completely lost touch with any semblance of reality and my mind
began to wander through these interminable loops of thought
concerning the nature of the universe, the reptilians, how I could
never return to my daily existence after this knowledge, how human
beings had to stick together, that we were a family and huge
underdogs in this cosmic drama, that many of our notions about life
were erroneous and deluded, that our preoccupations with our bodies
was keeping us from our true wealth as humans, how I was somehow
very much involved in this struggle against the reptilians, how
humanity was in for very difficult times ahead and that we had to be
strong.
As this was all happening, I realized that I desperately needed help
from my girlfriend that I needed her to be here with me and I could
feel her call out to many times that she was scared and in trouble
(she met many crazies in the subway who tried to scare her but never
came close to doing anything to her) and I let her know that I was
there with her.
The next thing I knew was that I was on my bed and
she had walked into my apartment, I don't know how long had passed
or what had happened in the last 40 minutes or so.
She was shocked to
find me naked, rocking my body back and forth on my bed and
repeating 'reptilians' over and over while gasping as if I had been
holding my breath for a long time.
A lot of strange things happened during this experience and I'm not
going to say anything other than what it felt like to me. I have
never had a UFO fetish and I have never been one for UFO conspiracy
theories, that stuff just has never interested me.
This experience
has changed all this and for my girlfriend it has drastically
altered her world-view because she felt evidence of
paranormal
abilities when we were communicating without our phones.
I have
never had a extraterrestrial-related experience of this sort using
entheogens and I don't know what to make of this one.
I'm not afraid to ask questions and I've tried to be humble enough
to learn from the answers and to be open-minded enough to accept
that anything is possible.
I'm going to keep searching for answers
and I'm going to keep meditating - because this experience has
taught me that this discipline is somehow all-important.
I wish
everyone else luck in their search for answers.
