1. I need anger and fear in order
to enact change
I have heard this so many times - even from myself - that it is
mind-boggling.
Activists,
in particular, suffer from this type of ego trick, believing
that the only way to create real change is to approach people
from a place of anger.
I've seen and heard a
lot of vegans, religious missionaries and animal right's
activists in particular use guilt, shame
and fear to try and convert people to a "better
way of life."
However, this often
just results in ego-fueled arguments, resentment, and worst of
all, denial.
The reality is that,
Anger breeds
anger.
War breeds war.
But love breeds
love.
Peace breeds
peace.
And love, true
love in my experience, is not an inactive state of sitting
in your own drool; it is active, and comes from a place of
understanding.
Who would you most
likely take seriously?
A person who
calls you a "sinner" or a "selfish murderer" who is
"unconscious, unethical, and the scum of the earth," or
someone who teaches you empathy, true understanding, and
compassion for not only yourself, but for all of life?
2. I need to be "more
spiritual" in order to be happier
When you think of a spiritual person, what do you picture?
Perhaps you think
of a yogi, or an energy healer, or a
psychic.
Images of
crystals, chakra cleansing or meditation might arise.
And while all of
these things are very useful and extremely beneficial, it is not
actually necessary for us to "be a spiritual person" in order to
find deep, abiding joy.
Why is this the case?
Because the act
of pursuing an image of spirituality takes away from the act
purely experiencing Being.
When we are
constantly desiring and attempting to be something other than
what we innately are, we create an immense dissatisfaction and
rift in our lives.
We constantly feel as
though we are "almost there", almost the epitome of
spirituality, when all along we are chasing our tails in
circles.
In reality, what we
have desired all along is already here beneath all the layers of
our thoughts, beliefs, desires, conditionings and goals.
How can you know this for sure?
Take a moment to stop
what you are doing right now.
Stop your
searching, stop your running, stop your resistance to
whatever is happening in your life in this very moment.
Allow everything to
be as it is.
This doesn't mean
being a pushover or doormat.
It means being
smart and not fighting
with reality...
Stopping everything
is the best way to experience the innate joy that has already
existed beneath everything all along.
3. I need to suffer in
order to find fulfillment
This mindset is similar to the Martyr complex way of
seeing life.
While it is
undeniable that suffering helps us to grow and learn, to think
that suffering is a prerequisite to experiencing fulfillment is
like thinking that you must chop off your finger in order to
have a really great day.
The reality is that you don't need to suffer to find
fulfillment, although finding fulfillment is often a result of
suffering.
Sound like a
bunch of
Dr. Seuss lingo...?
Often we get
extremely attached to our stories of righteous suffering.
Why?
Because they make
us feel special and entitled...
However, what we
neglect to realize is that the ego is running the show here: you
don't need to be a martyr to experience the Soul.
You don't need
anything but the cultivation of conscious presence, now.
4. That thing/that person
is responsible for my suffering
We are conditioned since birth to,
name, blame and
shame...
Essentially, pointing
the finger at other people and situations for our misfortune and
unhappiness is our heritage, and one we carry with immense
burden.
Yes, your son
might not be talking to you
Yes, your partner
might not be accepting your goals and dreams
Yes, you might
have been diagnosed with a terrible illness, but in and of
themselves these people and events in your life are not
responsible for your suffering.
Your resistance
to them is.
Your desire for
them to be anything other than what they are is.
Of course,
this doesn't mean
giving up and letting people and situations walk all over
you.
It doesn't mean
not doing the best for yourself and making the very most of
your life.
But it does mean
taking responsibility for your reactions,
thoughts and feelings.
It does mean
accepting that your happiness is a direct reflection of your
decisions.
5. I need THAT to give me
THIS
Here are some common examples:
-
I need lots
of money to give me security.
-
I need your
love and acceptance in order to make me feel whole and
complete.
-
I need to
lose this much weight in order to make me confident and
sexy.
-
I need to
rebel against what they do in order to make me a better
person.
-
I need to be
successful in order to feel fulfilled in life.
-
I need to be
likable in order to be acceptable.
