Some Ways to Get Through Life's Darkest Times

by Aletheia Luna
May 20, 2019

from LonerWolf Website

The hardest thing about going through an existential crisis is that you feel constantly depressed and alienated.

Nothing makes sense anymore and everything feels meaningless... including,

all of your old accomplishments, desires, professional attachments, relationships, and goals...

You want to find your real purpose in life.

You want to know why the hell we're all here in the first place, but you don't know where to start.

If you can relate to these feelings, my heart goes out to you.

I've been there before and it's a dark place. Worst of all, it can sometimes last for years (like mine did).

As someone who has been through this,

I'm not here to bullshit you.

I'm not promising that what I'll share will help it all become magically better.

But I do hope you find a little bit of solace.

What is an Existential Crisis? - Definition

Put simply, an existential crisis is a period in life where a person is at a crossroads and is questioning their entire reality.

They may wonder what the meaning of their life is and whether they have a higher purpose. They may wonder whether life itself has meaning or is just a random, chaotic product of chance.

And as a result, they may suffer from tremendous anxiety, depression, isolation, and feelings of being lost.

15 Signs You're Experiencing an Existential Crisis

Are you going through an existential crisis? Pay attention to the following signs:

You're searching for the meaning of life

You feel alone and isolated

You're consumed my melancholia/depression

You feel like your 'old life' has withered away

You don't know who you are anymore

You feel like your past accomplishments are meaningless (and as a result, you feel lots of regret)

You see through the shallowness of society's goals and desires

You crave for something deep and meaningful

You realize that the Universe is far more complex than you previously thought

You feel a sense of smallness or powerlessness in the face of everything

You're acutely aware of your mortality (and feel existential anxiety as a result)

You feel fundamentally different from others

You feel like there's something innately 'wrong' or 'broken' about you

You feel empty inside

You can't seem to find any place that feels like 'home'

How many of the above signs can you relate to?

When I was going through an existential crisis my entire worldview shattered. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian background and could no longer come to terms with an 'all-loving God' who would send people to burn in hell for eternity.

I went through years of confusion, emptiness, anxiety, and depression wondering what the purpose of all this was. It was an extremely difficult, traumatizing, and heart-breaking time. (And yes, thankfully I have pulled through it, hence why I'm writing this article.)

But my story is only one of millions, and there are many reasons why you may be going through a crisis. We'll explore below…

WHY You're Going Through an Existential Crisis

Why did all of this happen to you?

There are a number of reasons. Here are the most common that you may have experienced:

Sudden death of a loved one

Job change or loss

Chronic illness of shock diagnosis

Moving to a new place or country

Chronic stress and anxiety

Getting married/divorced

Relationship breakdown

Having a baby

Entering a new life phase (e.g. adulthood, mid-life, old age)

Loss of religious beliefs

Natural disaster (flood, hurricane, fire)

Excessive drug use

Mystical experience

Sudden spiritual awakening and dark night of the soul

Prolonged isolation

As you can see, the existential crisis is caused by literally any big life event or change - whether positive or negative.

Anything sudden can be destabilizing to your mind. Think of it like an earthquake that sets off a domino effect within your psyche. Before you know it, you have cut off all your friends, quit your job, and have completely withdrawn from society because it all feels too much.

Again, I want to emphasize the fact that this won't last forever.

It might feel like it and you might believe, in your present frame of mind, that you're the only person out there who is going through this. But you're not. And there are people who understand what you're going through.

So please take solace in that and keep reading to get support.

Why More and More People Are Experiencing the Existential Crisis

Yes, you heard it right:

the existential crisis is increasing in prevalence.

It's becoming a global phenomenon.

With record numbers of people experiencing major depression and other symptoms associated with the existential crisis, the question is,

WHY...?

With all our technology, wealth, and material abundance, why are we feeling more and more empty inside?

There are many possible answers, but I believe that the main cause is emotional, philosophical, and spiritual in nature.

We live in a world that worships the reductionistic mechanistic scientific view of life. Anything mysterious, magical, or remotely spiritual in nature is scorned and looked down upon.

We pretend we're 'above all that childish nonsense' when in reality it's what we need the most.

As clinical psychologist and scholar, C. Michael Smith writes,

The world seen only through the lenses of scientific-calculative thinking is a thin, dry, hollow, surface world, devoid of mystery, depth, and meaning.

There is an existential nausea (Sartre) that comes with such a nihilistic view of reality. Such a view is itself a symptom of deep spiritual, social, and ecological pathology.

Some face this nihilism with stoic courage, others retreat into fundamentalistic and traditional forms of security, where they may have some limited contact with the sacred, while still being touched by the nihilism of the modern scientific worldview.

Some seek a genuine sense of the sacred to give their lives meaning and direction, but cannot find it in the institutional religions of the west.

Some turn to the numinous resources of the East, some to occult interests; some are now turning to shamanism, others the psychedelics, to rekindle a sense of mystery and meaning characteristic of the sacred.

As a society, we deal with our existential emptiness many ways, but the unifying sobering reality is that we are spiritually destitute. We've lost touch with our spiritual nature and are suffering horribly as a result.

I'll explore how to get back in touch with your spiritual nature (and what worked for me) a little later.

But first, let's explore why this is not all so doom and gloom…

The Existential Crisis Can Be a Good Sign

I know this sounds totally absurd.

But the fact that you're experiencing existential anxiety signifies that you're not a mindless sheep of society.

You are alive goddammit, and more than that, you're in touch with your spiritual nature.

As spiritual philosopher Krishnamurti once wrote:

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

The fact that you're maladjusted, the fact that you're questioning everything and feel a sense of despair means that you're getting more in touch with your own truth - not the version of truth that society likes to spoonfeed us.

As author Tim Farrington writes,

Doubt as to whether you are in a dark night or "just depressed" is probably a very good sign; it means you're alive and paying attention and that life has you baffled, which is the precondition for truth in my experience.

Perhaps more than anyone, the Holocaust survivor and psychotherapist, Viktor Frankl, was acquainted with the depths of existential crisis.

He writes in his wonderful book The Doctor of the Soul:

The 'symptom' of conscientious anxiety in the melancholia, is not the product of melancholia as a physical illness but represents an 'accomplishment' of the human being as a spiritual person.

In other words, feeling existential anxiety is not just the result of depression (or melancholy), it's actually an accomplishment that signifies we're in touch with our spiritual nature.

Mirabai Starr, author of numerous spiritual books writes,

"Someone who is broken... who has struggled all his or her life with some intense deficiency, may have a uniquely powerful relationship with God."

And it's true.

The more you suffer existentially, the closer you are likely to draw to the Divine...

I realize you may be an atheist or simply not interested in spirituality, but perhaps it's time to reconsider your relationship with the mysterious at the very least.

We'll look more into this below.

7 Ways to Get Through the Existential Crisis... and Actually Benefit From it

Again, I know "benefiting" from your existential crisis may sound ridiculous.

But hear me out.

The existential crisis is an opportunity for you to,

find your life purpose, figure out what truly matters in life, and connect with your spiritual nature.

What you're going through may be horribly painful, but you're experiencing a death and rebirth. You're undergoing a mental, emotional, and spiritual renewal process.

Everything in life works in cycles. Think of life like the four seasons. What you're experiencing right now is the winter stage of existence. But after that comes spring.

Here are some paths/practices you may like to explore.

Many of these I have used myself during my existential crisis period - and they helped tremendously:

1. Record (journal) all your thoughts every day

This one was a BIG help for me - and I believe it can be for you too.

Writing down all your thoughts and feelings is a good way of getting them out of your mind. The more you let your thoughts accumulate, the more overwhelmed you can feel. So let it all out. Journaling is extremely therapeutic and is recommended by professionals and depressed folks alike constantly.

Here's an example of a journal entry:

I'm feeling horrible today. I watch and listen to people talk about their lives, but it all seems futile. I can't relate to any of them. Not even a bit.

All their plans, goals, and shallow desires - can't they see that it's all going to perish one day?

Their banality suffocates me and I feel like I'm walking in the land of the dead. Everyone is asleep. Why can't they just wake?

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, but for now, I just wanted to get these feelings out.

As you can see, your journal entry doesn't need to be long. It can be a tiny paragraph or even a few words. It also doesn't need to be wordy, well-written or poetic.

The point is to benefit from it by making a habit out of it.

2. Turn your pain into art

Some of the best art (think Vincent Van Gogh, Edvard Munch, Goya, etc.) has come from those who have suffered tremendously.

You don't need to be good at art (or an "artist") to benefit from artistic self-expression.

The point isn't to create something that will please others, but something that helps you feel better and process what you're going through.

If you need ideas, go on Pinterest and look up different art projects. Places to start include watercolor, sketching, collage, and paint pouring.

You can also read our art therapy ideas article and see if that interests you.

3. Get in touch with your inner warrior

There's a reason why we've named this website "lonerwolf."

The wolf is symbolic of the inner warrior, the inner force of nature who refuses to give up. S/he is the fire within you that voyages courageously into the unknown, fights for freedom, and respects your true self.

When we go through an existential crisis it can feel like all our power, all our energy, has been drained from us. We may struggle to get up in the morning and keep moving forward. We may feel small and defenseless in the face of life.

The way to move through these feelings is to reconnect with your inner warrior, in whatever way he/she/it appears to you. We like to see this fiery essence as the wolf, but you may see it differently.

To connect with your inner warrior, you may like to turn to your dreams.

Before going to bed, ask your unconscious mind to present to you an image of your inner warrior. Then, pay attention to your dreams. Note down anything significant when first rising in the morning. If you struggle with this activity, repeat it for a week.

You may even like to take a herb like mugwort, blue lotus, or a lucid dreaming supplement to make your dreams more vivid (please do your own research regarding dosage requirements and look into the precautions).

An alternative is to practice visualization.

Imagine you're walking down a staircase and at the bottom is a golden door. Once you open that door, you'll come face-to-face with your inner warrior.

What does he/she/it look like?

You might like to play some music that puts you in the right frame of mind for this activity (think warrior music which you can find for free on Youtube).

Once you've connected with your inner warrior you can work with this inner image in your daily life for strength and guidance.

You may like to journal with this inner force, talk with it through visualization, or create a piece of artwork that you put somewhere noticeable and special in your home.

4. Connect with nature

If you struggle to connect with others, go out in nature.

Connect with the birds, trees, and plants. Sit and watch what happens around you and find delight in the small things.

Spending time in nature was one of the major ways I got through my existential crisis.

I would often spend hours sitting outside observing how the clouds moved through the sky and the way the wind danced through the trees.

If you don't live near nature, try taking regular trips to your local wildlife reserve, forest, or park. Nature is soothing to the soul and will help you to get out of your head.

If you're interested, I wrote this article on the art of forest bathing (shinrin yoku) a few years ago.

5. Find what brings you joy and meaning

Even the smallest things can bring you joy like a patch of sunlight on the floor or the feeling of cold water against your hands as you wash the dishes.

By practicing mindfulness, you can connect with the present moment more and step out of the cycles of dark thought that accompanying the existential crisis.

Finding the meaning of life is a longer path, but something that can also bring you a sense of purpose.

We've written more on the topic of finding the meaning of life and you're more than welcome to go check that out.

6. Practice self-care and self-love

Take care of yourself.

This is a tough time. I know it's hard, and I know that most days you don't have the energy for much. But treat yourself with as much love as you can muster. Even opening the window for some fresh air can be seen as a small act of self-love or putting on some warmer socks.

Two forms of self-love and care that you may like to start with are,

affirmations and gratitude...

I know you may feel skeptical toward them, but there's a reason why they've entered the mainstream:

they work...

You may like to start a gratitude journal and list five things you're thankful for each day (being grateful has been scientifically proven to help you feel better).

And you may like to find/create one or two affirmations that you carry with you and repeat throughout the day.

Examples may include,

"I am strong, and I'll get through this"

"It's okay to not know all the answers"

"I surrender to the cycles of life"

"I'm feeling better every day"...

7. Simplify and minimize sources of stress

You're going through enough inner stress as it is, so don't be afraid to let go of people/responsibilities that cause you more harm than good.

One way of minimizing your stress is by creating a calm and clear mind. Try guided meditations that soothe your mind and body each morning and evening.

I love the free app "InsightTimer" for all its variety and I use it on my phone each day.

I encourage you to do the same.

8. Connect with others

See if there are any depression support groups around you.

Not everyone experiencing depression is going through an existential crisis, but some are. And you can find a sense of kinship there.

Otherwise, there are many groups online (such as on social media) that you can join for support. Alternatively, you can simply browse around this website and see that you're not alone in your existential difficulties.

You may also wish to call a mental health hotline if you desperately need to talk with someone or go to a website like 7cups that offers free support.

9. Explore spirituality

As psychologist Christa Mackinnon writes:

Studies find correlations between spiritual well-being and positive psychological responses when people are confronted with existential crisis situations.

A recent study of 60 lung cancer patients in America, for instance, found that aspects of spirituality, namely meaning in life and prayer, have positive effects on psychological and physical responses, and an in-depth study of 160 terminally ill patients in palliative care came to the conclusion that spiritual well-being provides a sense of peace and offers some protection against end-of-life despair in those for whom death is imminent.

You don't need to buy into anyone's bullshit - find what type of spirituality works for you.

That might be simply praying or lighting a candle, or it could mean learning how to be a spiritual healer and finding a higher sense of purpose.

I personally enjoy the path of inner work and I incorporate many eclectic practices into my spiritual path like,

working with the archetypes, spirit guides, practicing meditation and mindfulness, creating sigils, connecting with nature,

...the list goes on.

Find a path that works for you and let it give you hope.

This is a Time of Death and Rebirth

The existential crisis is a time of death,

the death of old beliefs, death of old ways of being, and death of old values...

But after death comes rebirth. Just look at the cycles of nature...

What you're experiencing isn't going to last forever. After the night comes day, and after winter comes spring.

I hope this article has shown you how valuable this process you're going through actually is.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not broken.

You are not alone.

You are actually saner than most people because you are questioning the insanity of the world around you.

You are in the process of getting in touch with your true spiritual nature...

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